Out Of Their Minds
by kateg123
Summary: Whilst investigating a crime scene an alien hallucinogen is accidentally released, causing the Torchwood team to imagine all sorts of crazy things.Owen collapses, Gwen starts hallucinating and Jack's libido is restless...T for language.Jack/Gwen,Tosh/Owen
1. Chapter 1

**Hey folks, so it's a brand spanking new Jooper fic for y'all. And I am now on holiday for the next three weeks so there is oh so much ficcage writing time to be had! Enjoy...**

**Also I know I said this was Humour/Romance but I couldn't really decide on just two genres, it's really got a bit of everything in there and hopefully will get funnier later on...**

* * *

Owen turned the steering wheel of the SUV sharply causing Gwen to slam her shoulder into the window.

"Hey watch it," she grumbled rubbing the sore spot.

"Don't start telling me off," Owen replied snarkily, "I'm the only one who actually gets us to the crime scenes in time!"

Gwen mumbled something unintelligible to herself but allowed herself to be tossed about as far as her seatbelt would allow as Owen screeched around corners at breakneck speed.

"Gwen?" Tosh's voice crackled through into her com.

"What have you got for me Tosh?"

"There was a disturbance at the given address in the early hours of this morning, the police were called but since there were no fatalities they left. About twenty minutes ago massive rift activity was detected at the same residence," Tosh rattled off.

"Alright thanks Tosh, we've got it from here," Gwen said reaching up to turn her com off when another voice broke into their conversation.

"Gwen," Jack said his normally controlled voice betraying his worry, "be careful."

She whispered something into her com and turned to face out of the window hoping the blush suffusing into her cheeks wasn't that obvious.

Owen, however, had chosen this particularly unfortunate time to decide to be observant for once and said, "God even the sound of his voice gets you going doesn't it?"

Deciding to ignore this comment she replied, "Turn left here."

Owen, unusually for him, got the hint and shut up banking sharply into the next side street and screeching to a halt outside a dilapidated house.

"Is this it?" He asked surveying the street through disdainful eyes.

Gwen undid her seatbelt which had gradually gotten tighter and tighter each time Owen had to come to a sudden stop…which was a lot and said, "Yep, it should be this house right here."

She carefully swung the gate open, which promptly squealed loudly and then fell over as its hinges broke. Gwen snatched her hand away quickly turning to see if anyone had noticed.

"I didn't do anything," she said guiltily to Owen who was watching her in amusement.

"Sure," he said sarcastically pushing past her and walking confidently up to the front door.

Gwen followed muttering to herself about fragile gates and that they should have warning signs on them…

Owen knocked on the door and was taken aback when it swung open gently.

"Hello?" He called inside, "Bloody hell this place is a mess," he said to Gwen as he stepped inside.

Gwen cautiously unholstered her gun and followed him stepping carefully over picture frames, books and pieces of plaster which had fallen from the ceiling that were strewn all over the floor.

"What happened here?" She asked nobody in particular.

The house was silent, as far as they could tell there was no one there. So where had the rift activity come from?

"Did Tosh say the rift activity was detected _inside _the actual house?" Owen asked

Gwen nodded as she kicked open a door leading into what looked like the kitchen, "Yeah she said it was in this house and I'm willing to bed this place didn't look like this _before _the rift activity happened."

What had presumably once been the table was lying broken on its side and jars were dripping various sauces and liquids onto counters and the floor.

An uneasy feeling started to grow in Gwen's stomach and she turned around swiftly half thinking she would find someone standing right behind her.

Instead she was greeted with an empty hallway with only the wind blowing through the broken door softly.

"Owen?" She whispered, almost afraid to talk at a normal volume.

It was such a cliché, the abandoned house and the whistling wind blowing through and disturbing papers and the curtains so it looked like someone had passed by seconds before.

A hand clamping down on her shoulder caused her to jump violently and whirl around with her gun aimed at whoever was touching her.

"Shit, Owen you scared me!" She cried as she caught sight of her co-worker.

"Sorry," he replied absently with a strange look in his eyes.

Gwen gave him an odd look and asked, "Did you check upstairs?"

Owen nodded, his eyes still having that glazed look in them and replied, "Yeah all I found was this"

He held up a small vial about the size of a test tube which appeared empty.

"What is it?" Gwen asked reaching out to take it from him.

Owen moved his hand slightly, ever so subtly, so she couldn't reach it and said, "I dunno, but it's where the rift radiation is coming from. I scanned it."

"Owen? Are you feeling alright?" Gwen asked, concern lacing her voice.

His eyes darted from left to right, not focusing on hers and he still looked slightly dazed, "Yeah I'm fine, why?"

"I think you'd better let me see the readings you got off the vial," Gwen said holding out her hand for the scanner.

Owen hesitated for all of a few seconds but that was enough time for Gwen to tell that something was wrong. Owen never hesitated.

It was only when he collapsed in a heap on the floor that she called Jack.

"Gwen? What's wrong?" The familiar accent calmed her slightly.

"Something's happened to Owen," she said trying to keep her voice steady, "We're in the house and he went upstairs to look around and when he came back down he was acting strange and he said he found a vial which was emitting the radiation and how he's collapsed."

There was silence and then Jack said, "Gwen can you get him into the SUV, you need to get him back here as fast as you can."

"Sure…" She trailed off not sure whether she should say what was on her mind.

Jack must have detected the note of nervousness in her voice though because he immediately asked, "What's wrong Gwen?"

"There's just…something wrong about this house. It's deserted, yes, but only recently so…and why did this vial end up _here _of all places?" The words rushed out, having been built up in her mind over the past few minutes.

This house was giving her the creeps.

Jack's reassuring voice spilt through the com into her ear calming her jittering heart, "That's what we're going to work out Gwen but just get back here now, and make sure you don't open that vial!"

Gwen sighed to herself as she looked down at Owen's body; she hoped he_ was_ 'wiry' like he had described himself. Placing her arms under his armpits she managed to heave him up onto his feet so he was leaning against her and in this way along with a few other squirming movements she got him out of the front door, having already safely pocketed the vial.

She breathed freely once they were out of the oppressive house and quickly managed to get Owen buckled into the back seat of the SUV. 

Starting up the engine she failed to notice how the sitting down action had slipped the stopper in the vial up slightly so it shuddered in the opening, not quite loose, but not quite stuck either.

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**Alright so hope you liked the first chapter - for those of you who have read my other Jooper fics you may notice I don't actually get to the Jack/Gwen stuff until a few chapters in but I am hoping to get to it quicker this time so no worries!**

**Please review - it is a proven fact on my part that I update quicker if I get more reviews.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Right so I had a sudden attack of the plot bunny today and decided to update some more! **

**Fic I recommend: Five Ways Rhys Died and One He Didn't by Starlite1**

**Thanks to:**

**OneWhoSitsWithTheTurtles, Pandora of Ithilien, Super Spazz Attack, starry-eyed-torchwood-lover, PassionPoet, WhoKnows909, MythStar Black Dragon**

* * *

Gwen had managed to drag Owen's limp body onto the invisible lift and had let it do the rest of the work taking them down into the Hub. 

As soon as they reached the bottom Jack and Ianto were there lifting his body up and carrying him over to the autopsy bay.

"Why are you taking him over there?" Gwen asked sharply, "He's not dead…yet"

"It's where all the medical equipment is, we need to run tests on him," Jack replied subtly giving her the once-over to check if she was alright.

She was visibly shaking slightly and her face was extremely pale but otherwise it didn't seem as if any physical damage had happened to her.

"Gwen where's the vial?" Tosh asked

Gwen started at the sudden address and stuck her hand into her pocket, drawing the vial out carefully.

Her hands were still shaking from the strenuous activity of dragging Owen about and the creepy feeling she had gotten from the house just wouldn't leave her.

"It's right here," she said holding it out to Tosh's waiting hands.

The next five seconds or so seemed to happen in slow motion, as Jack looked on Gwen reached out slowly the vial held loosely between her fingers. Tosh stepped forward slightly and reached out a hand, Gwen held it out towards her, Tosh lifted her hand up, Gwen let go of the vial, Gwen's hand shook, the vial dropped…and missed Tosh's hand.

The vial hit the floor shattering into hundreds of tiny glass pieces and there was complete silence as if they were all waiting for something terrible to happen. As if they would all suddenly drop dead any second.

Nothing happened though and Jack immediately took action, "Gas masks everyone! It's probably too late but we'll do what we can. Ianto carry on running tests on Owen we need to see what the affect of the gas is, Tosh take samples and find out what the hell we're dealing with, Gwen with me."

Gwen looked up at him nervously already anticipating the talking to she was going to receiver after making such a foolish mistake.

Jack had already started striding off to fetch the gas masks from the cupboard in his office where they kept them and she had to run to catch up with him.

"Jack I'm so…" She started but was interrupted.

"It's alright, too late to do anything about it anyway," He replied casually.

Gwen was startled; he wouldn't usually let something like this drop so easily.

"So what do you want me to do?" She asked 

This question provoked a series of seriously explicit answers in Jack's head but he couldn't really tell her them, instead he said something a little more practical, "I need you to research that house and find out everything there is to know about it's inhabitants."

He finished speaking and realised Gwen had stopped walking; they were about halfway up the stairs to his office now. He turned back to see her stood still, frozen on the step her eyes glassy and a goofy smile plastered on her face.

His heart sank into his feet as a feeling of foreboding overtook him.

Gwen was listening to Jack but then his voice seemed to fade into a distant murmur and a feeling of extreme euphoria washed over her. It felt amazing whatever it was and she knew somewhere deep down that she should be feeling suspicious or something but that was just so…negative!

She could feel herself smiling, so much happiness was just bubbling up inside of her and she felt amazing. A slight giggle burst out of her mouth and suddenly she was laughing hysterically, her chest was heaving from the sheer intensity of it. 

She could see Jack looking at her with a worried expression on his face but that just made her laugh even harder, "Jack…" she managed to gasp in between giggles, "your face…oh…haha…you look…ridiculous!"

His expression changed into one of offence and he looked quite insulted, "Gwen I think we should maybe head back downstairs."

He helped lift her up from where she was shaking with laughter on the floor and in the process her hands groped blindly at him as she tried to stand up properly. This was quite an enlightening experience for Jack who stepped away rather suddenly as her hand brushed a rather more…sensitive area.

"Gwen," he gasped out his eyes darkening in lust.

She had never looked sexier the whole time they had known each other. Even though she was currently bright red from suppressed laughter and tears were streaming down her cheeks. He felt a buzz run through him; a wild feeling of desire and he stepped closer towards her trying to restrain himself from jumping on her then and there.

Through the tears and the laughter Gwen noticed the change in his demeanour and through the haze of happiness she felt a sort of thrill at the look Jack was directing at her.

"Something wrong Mr Harkness?" She giggled reaching up a hand and stroking a finger from his collar to his belt buckle.

He hissed slightly at the contact and clamping his hands around her waist he drew her flush against him feeling her wildly beating heart against his chest.

"Oh no nothing's wrong," he whispered roughly, lust causing his voice to sound deeper.

It was this position in which Tosh found them when she came running up the stairs waving a piece of paper.

"Jack….oh sorry…" She trailed off flushing slightly as she saw how close they were standing and where exactly Jack's hands were, then she noticed that Gwen was shaking with laughter and Jack had a strange expression on his face, "Are you feeling alright?"

Gwen turned to her and gasped out, "I feel…happier…than…long time…so happy."

A dreamy expression overtook her face and she finally stopped laughing instead gazing dopily up at Jack. Tosh looked down at the results of the gas that were on the sheet and blinked.

"Oh shit."

* * *

Ianto was bending over Owen on the autopsy table checking for any signs of physical distress. So far there didn't seem to be anything external happening but that didn't mean Owen was hunky-dory on the inside. 

Ianto turned to grab a syringe from the draw and turning around he jumped back in shock as Owen's eye suddenly flicked open.

"Owen, can you hear me?" He asked frantically aware that whatever was in that vial had already permeated all of the air in the Hub.

Owen whispered something unintelligible and Ianto leaned closer trying to catch whatever it was he had said.

Owen continued to whisper and Ianto pulled back with a confused expression on his face _was Owen just whispering about how much he loved the happy dancing pink elephants?_

This was getting weirder and weirder.

He turned around as Tosh came running down the stairs with a piece of paper in her hand and an extremely worried look on her face, "Ianto I found out what it…is Owen awake?"

She had seen that his eyes were open and ran over to his side catching what he was saying.

Her eyes widened and she waved the piece of paper in Ianto's face, "It's a hallucinogen!"

Ianto blanched, "A what?"

"An alien hallucinogen, it affects everyone differently which is why Owen collapsed but we didn't!"

"Are you saying we're all going to start imagining we're fairies soon?" Ianto asked nervously.

"I don't know what will happen to us," Tosh said biting her lip, "But I think it's already affected Jack and Gwen."

"Oh?"

"Well Gwen couldn't stop laughing and she seemed really…happy and Jack…well actually maybe he's still fine but he looked more…" Tosh tried to search for the right word, "lustful than usual."

Their thoughts were interrupted by Owen's wild yell of, "No! Not the cheese, please! I swear I'll never bite your toe again!"

Ianto and Tosh exchanged incredulous looks and Ianto said, "I don't think I even want to know."

Tosh nodded sagely and said, "Let's go see what's happening with Jack and Gwen."

* * *

**And so the fun begins! Oh I have so many ideas brewing I have no idea where to start...review and I'll figure it out though!**


	3. Chapter 3

**I feel I should mention this fic is going to get a lot more crack-ish now...all the fun starts here!**

**Fic I recommend: A Night Out With Torchwood by BobbieRae (is a tad J/G/I)**

**Thanks to:**

**Super Spazz Attack, crazedchick, PassionPoet, MythStar Black Dragon, uno rouge, OneWhoSitsWithTheTurtles, Hubsquint, starry-eyed-torchwood-lover, Itchigo, Pandora of Ithilien, doctor's gal 1792, Starlite1, WhoKnows909**

* * *

They left Owen giggling to himself on the autopsy table and made their way upstairs each conscious of the fact that any minute now one of them might succumb to the alien hallucinogen.

"What did you say had happened to Jack?" Ianto asked still not clear on all the facts.

Tosh shrugged wondering how best to phrase what she was going to say, "I'm not entirely sure if he _had _changed, but there was just a strange look in his eye."

"Do you have any idea how long this stuff lasts or if it's dangerous at all?" Ianto asked

Tosh shook her head, "No, the scans weren't clear on how long it lasts but it's not life-threatening. It'll just leave us all with potentially embarrassing memories."

"Please if I start ballet dancing or something ridiculous, just shoot me," Ianto muttered.

After Tosh had run off in search of Ianto, Jack certainly felt like he _should _be worried about something but he just couldn't bring himself to care. Not when Gwen was staring up at him with that goofy grin plastered on her face.

Something was definitely wrong, he knew that, he may be perpetually horny but he didn't walk around with a hard on all the time. This was one step up.

He noticed Gwen was now talking to the wall and he watched in amusement as she argued about the better points of cooking with a wok versus an ordinary saucepan.

"No you listen to me," she pointed a furious finger at the wall, "Don't talk back…well it has a larger bowl…hey I happen to _like _vegetables!"

A movement in his peripheral vision alerted Jack and he turned around to see a woman standing there.

"Hey how did you get in?" He asked totally confused.

The woman, he had to admit, was bloody gorgeous. She had long dark hair and was wearing a tight dress that left little to the imagination and when she spoke her voice sent shivers down his spine, "Does it matter? I'm here now."

Jack instinctively stepped closer still hearing Gwen in the background debating with the wall. Now that he thought about it this woman bore a striking resemblance to Gwen; that was strange.

Gwen threw up her hands in frustration and turned away from the wall saying spitefully, "Well I can't help it if you're not receptive, you should learn to voice your opinions better."

Her attention was caught by Jack talking to what looked like empty air, her curiosity peaked and she crept closer to hear what he was saying trying to control the laughter that threatened to burst out again.

"God you're beautiful," Jack murmured to thin air lifting up a hand and stroking it.

"Jack?" Gwen managed to gasp out between giggles, "Are you so horny you're…hitting ...on…empty air now?" 

He ignored her though and leaned his head forward as though he wanted to kiss someone.

Gwen turned as she heard footsteps ascending the stairs and she saw Tosh and Ianto making their way up.

Holding a finger to her lips she gestured for them to come closer and pointed in the direction of Jack, who was now definitely making out with empty air, his tongue occasionally peeking out as he moaned to himself.

Tosh and Ianto looked on in amusement and Tosh whispered, "Please tell me the CCTV is running?"

Ianto nodded with a mischievous grin on his face, "Oh yeah."

"Gwen why don't you come downstairs with us?" Tosh suggested gently, wondering why Gwen muttered, "Well screw you," to the wall before following her downstairs.

Ianto was left to take care of Jack who was still attempting to have sex with empty air.

"Err…Jack? What are you doing?" Ianto asked, not really sure if he wanted an answer.

Jack moved his head slightly and shot an annoyed look at Ianto before saying, "Ianto, this is seriously not a good time why don't you go hang out with her?"

Jack pointed at a spot behind Ianto and he spun around not realising there was anyone behind him.

But there wasn't.

"Who exactly do you mean Jack?" Ianto asked curiously.

Jack shot him another annoyed look and said, "Look seriously I'm a bit busy, there's plenty of people around here for you to you know, talk to." He waggled his eyebrows on the word 'talk' and Ianto assumed he was actually insinuating something else.

Ianto turned around again to check but there was no one there. Was Jack seriously imagining this?

Ianto sighed; he supposed that if anyone was going to imagine a room full of people just jumping to have sex with them it would be Jack.

He grabbed Jack's arm and started dragging him downstairs saying, "Alright Jack say goodbye now, we're going down here."

Jack waved dejectedly at the patch of empty air he had previously been licking and allowed himself to be dragged down the stairs.

They joined Tosh and Gwen in the main area and sat down heavily on the sofas.

Owen's voice drifted up from the autopsy bay, "I'm a little teapot…short and stout…"

Ianto raised his eyebrows and looked to Tosh, "Is he seriously singing that?"

His heart immediately sank when Tosh didn't respond and instead she started humming to herself swaying back and forth.

"Tosh?" Ianto said desperately trying to elicit some sort of sane reaction from her.

Unfortunately it seemed like she was gone, lost to power of the hallucinogen. Now that he was the only one left he sort of hoped that it would do something to him soon, he didn't really enjoy being a room full of crazy people and being the only sane one.

* * *

Jack was wondering where all the gorgeous half naked people had gone when he heard Owen starting to sing.

He was curiously tempted to join in but managed to suppress that particular urge and instead he turned to where Gwen, Tosh and Ianto were sitting.

A wild feeling of desire leapt up inside him and he wasn't sure who exactly it was who had caused it. Right now he didn't care he just wanted to fuck _someone_.

Growling deep in his throat he edged towards Gwen and managed to squeeze next to her on the sofa. She had her eyes shut and was seemingly conducting some sort of invisible orchestra waving her hands wildly around and singing to herself.

He placed his hand casually on her thigh and she started, opening her eyes and looking at him quizzically, "Bugsy what do you think you're doing?"

"What?" He whispered throatily, his need extremely obvious.

"Bugs bunny!" She giggled hysterically before going back to conducting.

Jack turned to Tosh and asked, "I'm not Bugs Bunny…am I?"

Tosh stood up and promptly fell over so she way lying on her back, "Jaaaack look at all the pretty colours…" She lifted her hands and traced patterns in the air smiling serenely.

Jack turned to his last resort for salvation, Ianto, "Ianto…"

Ianto ignored him though and with his mouth open he headed straight for Tosh's computer whispering to himself about the pretty lights.

He was just about to start pressing buttons when Tosh came flying at him screaming wildly. She tackled him to the floor and said harshly, "No one touches my computer bitch."

Ianto held his hands up in defeat and whispered in a frightened voice, "Okay, okay."

Tosh got off him and held her arms out in a Matrix-esque gesture, "Come get some bitch."

Ianto took one look and ran off flapping his arms about and making bird noises.

Tosh blew her fringe out of her eyes and whispered with a malicious gleam in her eyes, "Yeah I thought so."

Huffing to herself she sat down at her computer and surveyed the Hub through narrowed eyes. No one touched her technology.

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**Hope you liked.**

**I am going away for the weekend somewhere where there is not internet (or cable!) so I won't be able to update until Sunday (and I won't be able to watch next eppy!)**

**Review please with nekkid Jack Harkness on top **


	4. Chapter 4

**So it turns out I'm NOT going away for the weekend, I have never been happier at the crappy weather before! Now I get to watch the new episode, much happy dancing will ensue of course.**

**Fic I recommend: Not Quite Expected by OneWhoSitsWithTheTurtles - tis amazing, only two chapters so far so not much reading to do...**

**Thanks to:**

**big fan!!, MythStar Black Dragon, PassionPoet, shadowxwolf, Super Spazz Attack, Koochielala, OneWhoSitsWithTheTurtles, lady clark of books, Pandora of Ithilien, Gillianne-Luna, Lauzzx, WhoKnows909**

* * *

By this time all members of Torchwood Three were thoroughly under the influence of the alien hallucinogen, and none of them could do anything about it. 

Ianto had run off somewhere, trying to escape the wrath of Tosh who was currently jumping at anything that beeped. 

Jack and Gwen were still sitting on the sofa, Gwen completely oblivious to any sexual advances Jack was attempting to make.

"So do you…like Bugs Bunny?" Jack whispered in her ear trying his best to be completely irresistible. He, however, slightly dreaded Gwen's answer because it could lead into extremely different realms of 'weird' than he was used to.

Thankfully her response was, "Who's Bugs Bunny?"

Jack let out a sigh of relief, so she didn't think he was a cartoon rabbit anymore. Now he had more of a chance.

"No one, don't worry about it," he lifted his hand to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear and gently flicked his tongue across the lobe, nibbling slightly at the sensitive skin.

She shivered slightly at the contact her pupils dilating as the overwhelming rush of sensations coursed through her. The hallucinogen was causing her to see everything much more vividly and the combination of the sharper colours and crazy patterns rushing before her eyes with the feeling of Jack doing _that_ almost caused her to pass out.

She turned her head so his mouth found hers and their lips connected sending jolts of electricity through her.

This was a strange new sensation, why hadn't she discovered this sooner?

Jack deepened their kiss running his hands up her thighs provoking interesting noises to issue from deep in her throat.

The question of why she was currently kissing Jack ran briefly though her mind in a haze of colour and patterns and she ignored it. The world seemed to be swimming around her and she felt like she was on a ship, rocking and swaying.

She fell back on the sofa her head swimming dragging Jack down on top of her. Their lips collided again sloppily as she shut her eyes in an attempt to stop the room spinning. She giggled dizzily as she brushed against Jack's growing erection by accident, causing him to gasp sharply.

"Everything alright Mr Harkness?" She slurred

He replied by attacking her mouth even more vivaciously with his own, pressing his body as close as he could against hers.

* * *

Meanwhile in the autopsy bay Owen had finished serenading the scalpels and was attempting to get up. He was also being affected in the balance department and kept wobbling unsteadily every time he tried to stand up. 

Holding on to the handrail which ran up the side of the stairs he dragged himself up calling out, "Oh scalpel, wherefore art thou scalpel?"

He blinked blearily as the Hub spun around him and he giggled maniacally as he caught sight of Jack and Gwen doing god knows what on the sofa.

He whipped around unsteadily as he heard something scuttle behind him. Out of the corner of his eyes he caught sight of a dark shape flit down the corridor that led to the board room.

A shiver ran down his spine as he spun around again trying to see what it was. He felt like he was in a bad horror film, any minute now some weirdo with an axe would try to hack him into pieces.

Someone giggled behind him and he spun around again, effectively making himself even dizzier.

"Who…who's there?" He stuttered fear constricting his throat.

A shadow on the wall alerted him to someone else's presence and as it moved he followed it down the corridor into the board room.

As he walked in the door slammed behind him and he turned to see…

"Tosh?" He gasped out, "Shit you nearly scared the fucking bollocks off of me!"

Tosh merely smirked and stepped closer a manic gleam in her eye.

"What you got behind your back there Tosh?" Owen asked cautiously, grasping at the chair behind him to stop the room threatening to knock him over with its frantic spinning.

"Back? Who's to say there's anything? Bananas! It's all bananas!" Tosh cackled wildly.

Colours swam past Owen's vision and he got distracted momentarily and followed them with his eyes as they swam up towards the ceiling.

When he looked back to Tosh she was even closer and staring straight into his eyes and he gulped.

She looked almost feral with that look in her eyes. He opened his mouth to speak but found it impossible with Tosh's lips pressed against his. He made a sort of muffled 'oh' sound as she pressed her lithe body against his.

They were leaning against the board room table which was now digging into his back and he made a half-hearted attempt to push her off.

She pulled away suddenly and he subconsciously felt himself lean forwards trying to regain the feeling that she had sparked within him.

But something was stopping him…handcuffs? So that was what Tosh had behind her back.

He smiled cheekily at her, "Kinky Tosh."

The look was back in her eye and she lifted a hand and slapped his cheek sharply. He winced at the pain and the colours became more intense causing his vision to become blurry.

"You're in league with him aren't you?" Tosh demanded fiercely.

He swayed gently restricted by the handcuffs attaching him to the bar which ran around the table.

"Answer me scum!"

Smiling dopily to himself he murmured something.

Tosh, in her confused state of mind, naturally took it as normal that Owen was whispering, "Happy pink elephants will save me, especially now that they have roller-skates. With rockets on…and _glitter_."

"Forget the glitter, you're in my control now," Tosh said waving a PDA she had taken from her pocket in front of his face, "I know you're working with _him_."

"With Fluffy?" Owen asked, concern gracing his features.

For an instant an expression which looked uncannily like confusion crossed Tosh's face but then her expression hardened once more and she slapped him again.

"No more funny business, I know the truth already I just want you to admit it!" She hissed.

Owen's eyes widened and he started to gibber out meaningless nonsense, "I didn't do it I swear, look it was a mistake…I'll put the Barbie back I promise! She told me to do it, it was the sock…then it bit me and I was annoyed so…butter! I like it please…elephants!"

Tosh looked visibly frightened by this rant and sniffing disdainfully she continued, "The bird man fiddled with my buttons and I know you're working with him!"

"Bird man?" Owen asked; his mind full of images of glittery roller-skates.

Tosh nodded satisfactorily, "He flew."

There was a few seconds silence as the pair merely stared at each other not realising how truly weird their conversation had become.

In his mind Owen could see the elephants zooming down the halls in their attempt to find him and he whispered feebly, "zoom?"

Suddenly the door flew open and Ianto rushed in, still flapping his arms and squawking frantically and Tosh grinned in triumph.

She lunged at him knocking him to the ground, Ianto struggled but she had pinned his arms behind his back and he couldn't move them.

"You had it coming bird man!" She yelled.

With a feeble squawk Ianto lay his head down and chirped pathetically.

Tosh handcuffed his hands behind him and got off him, dusting her hands off.

Then, from out of the blue, Owen murmured to the empty doorway, "I want to marry you and have little baby roller-skates."

* * *

**So this is getting crackier by the chapter! I think I shall have them recover soon and be horribly embarrassed by what has occurred.**

**I hope you enjoyed the Jooper I slapped in there...**

**And, as always, please review it's the most amazing thing that ever happens...it feeds my writing!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry for the delay folks I was erm...busy. Ok I admit I have recently been drawn to a new fandom, otherwise known as Supernatural, but do not fret my lovelies the muse for Jack/Gwen is not leaving soon (I hope) I am just branching out...**

**Fic I recommend: Bittersweetness by Super Spazz Attack (it made me weep)**

**Thanks to: rachelthebooklover, I've Lost My Profile Page, GossipGirl17, scousedancer, PassionPoet, bbaluver3, WhoKnows909, doctor's gal 1792, big fan!!, itchigo, Pandora of Ithilien, Rae, Super Spazz Attack, Gillianne-Luna, OneWhoSitsWithTheTurtles, shadowxwolf, Skly, bad2wolf2mcgee, Tasha**

* * *

Tosh surveyed her captives through narrowed eyes, sending an evil glare to whoever thought it would be alright to twitch.

Directing the full force of her glare on Ianto she stepped closer to him and hissed, "Why don't you tell me where it is then?"

Ianto attempted to speak but Tosh cut him off, "I'm doing the talking here bird boy. Now I know you two have been working together so why don't you just cut the crap and tell me the truth."

Ianto blinked as he tried to focus on what Tosh was saying. It was as if there were two of her though and the words she was saying were wrapped in a scarf so that when she spoke it sounded muffled.

The room suddenly felt oppressive and the walls seemed to be closing in on him, he struggled frantically in the handcuffs Tosh had secured him to the desk with.

"Let me out!" He cried.

His breath started coming in short gasps and his eyes rolled back into his head as he passed out, his head lolling down.

Tosh stepped back in shock but quickly regained her composure and turned to Owen who was looking at Tosh with an odd expression on his face. Through his eyes everything had a glittery sheen and when he moved his head everything sparkled mesmerisingly.

"Shiny," he whispered breathlessly to himself.

* * *

Ianto seemed to be swimming towards the surface of water, he could feel the press of the water around him and he didn't dare to suck in any air for fear of drowning.

He kept swimming upwards though and soon broke through the surface and his eyes opened suddenly as he gasped for breath.

He blinked as he recognised the board room, _what the hell am I doing in here? _He tried to stand up and found that he had been handcuffed to the table. A feeling of alarm shot through him and with a sudden rush the events before the hallucinogen affected him flowed back into his mind.

"Oh shit," he breathed noticing Owen slumped next to him, "Owen!"

He stirred feebly muttering under his breath, "No…I want the glitter baby."

Ianto shook his head in despair and thought about his next move. Clearly the hallucinogen was beginning to wear off and he was the lucky one who had been least affected by it.

Lucky him.

Something in his peripheral vision caught his eye as it gleamed in the light, his heart leaped. It was probably too good to be true; if that was the key to the handcuffs then he was the Queen of Sheba.

He manoeuvred his head somehow; he had no idea how, downwards so he could attempt to pick up the key in his mouth.

It was only when he was inches away and his tongue was poking desperately out that he realised even if he did manage to pick it up how the hell was he supposed to unlock the cuffs with his fucking mouth?

He swore silently to himself and nudged Owen desperately. He stirred feebly and opened his eyes glancing at Ianto without seeing him. His pupils were practically the size of the fucking moon but Ianto was determined to get his help.

"Owen if I get this key can you unlock the cuffs?" Ianto asked wishing he could slap him into oblivion.

Owen giggled and stuck his tongue out at Ianto blowing a raspberry into his face.

Ianto blinked, determined not to be put off and said, "Yes well that's nice, now listen the fuck up! You get key, you unlock cuffs, I get to slap your stupid face. You understand?"

Owen giggled again and said dopily, "Key cuff…slap"

Sighing Ianto resumed his attempts to pick up the key with his mouth and finally managed to slip it into his mouth. Fuck his tongue was aching now.

"Own cn yurgh geddisht now?" Ianto asked his speech muffled by the object currently occupying his mouth.

He lowered his mouth to Owen's hand which were clasped behind his back and slid his cuffs along the bar which ran around the table until he was as close as he could get.

Owen's hands opened and Ianto breathed a sigh of relief around the key as he figured Owen must have some small understanding of what he had to do.

Dropping the key into Owen's hands he said, "Now unlock my cuffs okay?"

Owen merely clenched the key tight in his fist and Ianto fought the urge to bite his ear off or something more drastic. It was like dealing with a fucking child.

"Owen! They key, my cuffs, come on, it's not rocket science." Ianto begged.

Painfully slowly Owen manoeuvred the key in his hand and positioned it right in front of Ianto's cuffs

"Come on Owen just a little further," Ianto chided him on.

"Key lock, key lock," Owen sang to himself.

"What is it about this stuff that's making everyone musical all of a sudden?" Ianto muttered to himself but then grinned triumphantly as there was a click and the handcuffs fell open.

He almost felt like kissing Owen…almost. He wasn't that desperate.

He was all set to rush out of the board room to see what was happening with Jack and the others when Owen made a pathetic noise behind him and said, "Muuuuumy?"

Sighing he undid Owen's cuffs and said, "But don't follow me, just stay here and curl up in a corner or something."

A sudden noise from the doorway drew Ianto's attention and he caught sight of a dark shape running away from the board room. He sprinted after it wondering who it was and whether he might possibly still be under the influence of the hallucinogen.

He emerged into the main part of the Hub to be greeted with the sight of Jack and Gwen doing the horizontal mamba.

But that was it…

Or so he thought, until with a shrill war cry Tosh leaped down from the stairs he was standing under onto his back.

"You don't escape me this time!"

"Tosh! What the fuck?"

She slammed his head into the floor before he could speak again and with a muffled 'oh' he realised that she was probably not one to mess with when in this mood.

In between having his head slammed into the floor he caught random words she was saying, "You…slam…don't…slam…touch…slam…my computer!"

Ianto almost felt like screaming in frustration; trust Tosh to go all super protective over her bloody computer.

They had by this time caught the attention of Jack and Gwen who had broken apart to watch in stoned amusement as Ianto had his head bashed into the floor.

"Tosh whadja doing?" Gwen mumbled still shaking occasionally with laughter.

Jack's top buttons were undone revealing a very enticing patch of skin and Gwen's top was half way around her shoulders revealing an extremely sexy bra.

Ianto caught himself staring, at both of them, and looked away quickly. Well, as much as one can look away whilst trapped under an angry and strong Japanese woman protecting what might as well be her children.

Ianto felt a sudden loss of pressure on his back as Tosh seemed to slide off of him. He scrambled up quickly noticing she was unconscious on the floor and he hoped she was undergoing some sort of waking up from the effects of the hallucinogen and not just dying or something.

He knelt beside her and shook her gently, "Tosh, can you hear me?"

She stirred feebly and opened her eyes suddenly gasping for air.

_Definitely undergoing the same thing Ianto had._

"Ianto," Tosh whispered as soon as she saw him, "What the hell happened?"

"Well that is a very strange story Tosh," Ianto replied helping her stand up.

It was then that she caught sight of Jack and Gwen.

"Well it's about time you two!"

**Hehe well that's two of them woken up.  Let's hope the others manage soon enough! Thanks for all your reviews you are amazing! **

**Please don't forget to review some more, I will update quickly my munchkins**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hmm so the craziness is sort of wearing off now and someone asked whether they would be finding out about the house and stuff and the answer is yes, there is going to be plot exploring that so it doesn't all end when they wake up.**

**Fic I recommend: Open Bar by Malty (is some Janto but is a good fic anyway)**

**Thanks to:**

**doctor's gal 1792, Super Spazz Attack, Perfect Pirate Captain, laura, OneWhoSitsWithTheTurtles, bad2wolf2mcgee, bbaluver3, WhoKnows909, All Star Ellie, Pandora of Ithilien, PassionPoet, GossipGirl17, rachelthebooklover**

**Special thanks to: Ella and Cryssie for helping with ideas**

* * *

An awkward silence filled the Hub after Tosh's outburst and she turned slowly to Ianto and whispered, "They're still affected aren't they?"

He nodded and replied, "I guess it must have left our systems quicker than them."

There was silence while Tosh processed what exactly had happened to her and then a horror-struck expression was suddenly plastered on her face and she grabbed Ianto's collar and asked desperately, "Oh my god, what did _I _do?"

Ianto started to reply and then remembered where exactly he had left Owen and dragging Tosh after him he started to run back down the corridor towards the board room hoping Owen hadn't managed to kill himself accidentally with a pen or something.

"Owen?" Ianto called when they entered the room.

There was no reply and Tosh asked, "Why are you so worried about him?"

"I think he was affected the worst by this, he _was _acting the strangest out of all of you and I don't even remember what _I _was doing."

Tosh sighed and turned around, half shrieking as a shape moved behind her.

"Ianto?" She said pointing towards the corner of the room.

He strode over to find Owen curled up the corner sucking his thumb.

"Owen, why the hell are you in the corner?"

The last words he had said to Owen suddenly rushed back into his mind and he grinned.

_But don't follow me, just stay here and curl up in a corner or something._

"I wish you were this co-operative all the time," Ianto muttered as he started to drag Owen back to a standing position.

After Owen mumbled something under his breath, however, Ianto stumbled backwards with a horrified expression on his face.

_Had Owen just said 'Ianto I never realised how pretty you are'?_

"What's wrong?" Tosh asked curiously.

Ianto cleared his throat and said, "Oh nothing, I just…err, can you help him? My head hurts."

"Sure, what happened to your head?" Tosh asked a worried expression on her face.

Ianto smiled grimly, "I just banged it on something."

* * *

Back in the main part of the Hub Jack and Gwen were staring blankly at the space where Tosh and Ianto had just left.

"Whoa," Gwen mumbled sounding stoned, "What was up with _her_?"

Jack cleared his throat and tried to get his hand subtly closer to Gwen.

"So err…where were we?"

Gwen didn't seem to hear him, however, and she got up from the sofa and walked unsteadily over to the staircase.

"Hee hee," she giggled, "I can fly!"

Jack watched in bemused disinterest as she walked off and his thoughts wandered to who else he could find to get his satisfaction from.

To his surprise no one else sprang to mind and his head started to pound from the implications of this thought.

The headache persisted and he shut his eyes to try to block out the pain. It felt like his head would implode and he gasped in pain as he fell backwards onto the sofa unconscious.

Meanwhile Gwen continued her slow climb up the stairs, excited to finally feel the freedom of flying.

* * *

Tosh and Ianto raced back to the main part of the Hub towing Owen behind them.

"What did he say to you?" Tosh asked curiously.

Ianto mumbled something under his breath, "Hempphspretthddn"

"Sorry, I didn't quite catch that," Tosh replied, bemused.

"HesaidIwaspretty," Ianto said in one breath.

Tosh stopped in her tracks completely gob smacked and started shaking from laughter.

"Are you serious?" She managed to cough out between gasps for air.

Ianto just blushed.

"Oh Ianto, we all know you're just darling," Tosh sniggered, "And don't worry I'm not gonna let Owen live that down. Oh I'm so glad I installed the extra sensory applications on the CCTV"

Ianto just turned and continued walking in the direction of the main area trying to ignore the jibes to his masculinity.

"I can be very manly," He muttered to no one in particular.

* * *

Jack sat up gasping for breath and clutching at the empty air in front of him.

He instantly sprang to attention swinging his legs over the side of the sofa and standing up, gun out, not entirely sure what was happening.

A sudden movement above him caught his attention and he sighed in relief as he saw Gwen climbing the stairs.

"Gwen!" He called, "What's going on? Where is everyone?"

She didn't reply and he frowned trying to remember what exactly had happened before he had blacked out.

It suddenly all came back to him, the vial smashing and Gwen succumbing to the hallucinogen…after that it was all black…wait…Gwen, succumbing to the…

He sprang into action holstering his gun and running over to the bottom of the stairs. He could have sworn his heart had stopped beating when Gwen sat on the banister of the staircase and swung her legs over the side, giggling madly.

"Gwen what are you doing?" He called frantically.

"Imma gonna fly," She sang out spreading her arms and preparing to jump.

"Gwen!" Jack called as a warning, what the hell was he going to do? "Stop this now!"

Then she jumped and he saw it as if in slow motion; her dark hair fanning out behind her and the expression of pure elation as she fell through the air.

Then there was the sudden weight in his arms as he caught her and his knees nearly buckled from the extra burden but he held fast trying to get his heart to stop threatening to jump from his chest.

"Gwen," He breathed as she threw her head back and giggled with pure joy.

"That was fuuuun," She said delighted and Jack couldn't help but smile at her childlike insanity.

"If you ever do that again Gwen Cooper," Jack said in a calm voice, "I will fucking kill you!"

It was at that point that Tosh and Ianto ran in, closely followed by Owen who was singing again. They saw the position Gwen and Jack were in and sighed exasperatedly.

"Oh jeez they're going at it again," Ianto said, "I thought at least one of them would have woken up by now."

Jack looked confused and set Gwen down on her feet, "What are you talking about?"

Tosh and Ianto jumped at the serious tone in his voice and Ianto stuttered out, "Oh so y…you're awake now?"

"Yeah Gwen just jumped off the fucking stairs," Jack replied.

Tosh and Ianto made a sort of 'ah' noise and Tosh mumbled, "Well that makes sense then."

A sudden crash from above made them all look up and they all made quizzical noises when they saw the shape flying around above them.

"Is that…?" Tosh started.

"Myfanwy? Yep," Jack replied.

"Is she…high?" Ianto asked as the pterodactyl flew into a wall.

"I guess the hallucinogen doesn't just affect humans," Jack mused, "that's interesting."

Myfanwy seemingly confused from her crash into the walls circled lower and lower before finally coming to a halt as she flew into the floor.

"Is she alright?" Tosh asked

"Yeah it'll wear off probably just like it wore off us," Jack said.

"You mean like it's worn off _some _of us," Ianto pointed out, gesturing at Gwen and Owen who were still completely off their heads.

"Ah yes," Jack said, "good point."

"What are we going to do?" Tosh asked.

"There's only one thing we can do," Jack said, "Wait for it to wear off."

"And in the meantime?" Tosh asked.

There was a pause and then Jack grinned, "Why don't you pull up that CCTV footage Tosh?"

**Hee hee I was giggling while writing that bit about Myfanwy...not that I was laughing at my own jokes...ok...Imma gonna stop digging myself this hole now...**

**Review? I will send you a nekkid Jack Harkness...wearing only whipped cream and a cherry! Oh yes...lol**


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry it's been a while. I don't know if it has been a while actually, I've completely lost track of the days. Anyway enjoy the chapter and thanks for the overwhelming response!**

**Fic I recommend: anything written by -Ivy-Parker-, there's Yes, I Do Have Issues, My So Called Life Is A Bitch AND There May Be Difficulties With This (I recommend these because they're absolutely hilarious and make me giggle)**

**Thanks to:**

**OneWhoSitsWithTheTurtles, GossipGirl17, doctor's gal 1792, crazedchick, PassionPoet, Lauzzx, bad2wolf2mcgee, msndgal, bbaluver3, WhoKnows909, Perfect Pirate Captain, starry-eyed-torchwood-lover, I've Lost My Profile Page, Pandora of Ithilien, MythStar Black Dragon, big fan!!, Super Spazz Attack, Kat Ranger, BethBuchheit, Tasha, Lutherian**

* * *

Gwen looked on in interest as the walls seemed to melt and flow down to meet the floor in a pile of goo which was spreading out towards her. She giggled and lifted her feet off the floor to rest on the sofa which she was sitting on.

Owen, who was sitting next to her, had his head tilted back and was staring at the ceiling where he could have sworn pieces of the sky were falling down. He lifted his hands, trying to catch the flickering pieces as they fell past him.

The rest of the team watched them from the board room on the CCTV camera.

"Are you sure they'll be alright by themselves?" Tosh asked nervously remembering what Gwen had just tried to do.

"Yeah, we can see everything they're doing, it'll be fine," Ianto replied.

Jack was staring at the screen where Gwen was running her hands through Owen's hair and laughing with a slightly confused expression on his face and he kept running his fingers over his lips and frowning.

Ianto and Tosh had cleverly kept quiet about what exactly had happened waiting to see Jack's reaction to the CCTV footage themselves.

"It's all ready Jack," Tosh said opening the window on the large screen on the wall.

"Alright, let it roll," Jack said settling down in his chair ready to find out what exactly had happened in the interim.

They watched in interest as Gwen and Jack started their ascent up the stairs just after Gwen dropped the vial.

"I remember _that_," Jack said as he recalled his general frustration that Gwen had dropped their only piece of evidence. That feeling hadn't lasted long though, after that he couldn't remember anything at all.

They watched as Gwen started her descent into oblivion but were suddenly interrupted by a scream.

Their heads shot to the other CCTV screen and Tosh paused the video.

"Was that Gwen?" Jack asked already standing up and heading out of the room.

Tosh and Ianto quickly followed and they emerged in the main room to find Gwen standing on the table with a petrified expression on her face.

"Gwen, are you alright?" Jack asked in a calm voice, unsure if she was still hallucinating or not.

She merely stood, frozen staring at the floor, shaking slightly. From her perspective it looked like the melted goo was rising up from the floor in the shape of a person with glowing red eyes.

"Get away," she whimpered uselessly as it came closer and closer.

It reached out a slimy hand and stroked her arm chuckling evilly to itself as it began to reach up the other.

Jack went closer to Gwen to see what was wrong but she shrank further into herself and whimpered something. He had no idea what was happening to her but she was scared and he was determined to stop it.

He reached up the other arm but she shuddered and stepped backwards slightly which resulted in her wobbling on the very edge of the table trying to keep her balance.

Jack could see it happening before it did and even as Gwen's eyes were rolling back into her head and she fell backwards off the table he was already there, waiting to catch her.

"Second time in one day," He remarked as she fell into his arms, "That's a record."

He lay her carefully down onto the sofa and waited for the inevitable gasping for air and waking up.

"Why do you think it's taking Owen so long to overcome this?" Tosh asked her voice small.

"I think it's because he was in the closest vicinity to the hallucinogen. I mean, no one saw how much he inhaled because he was only with Gwen. He could have inhaled a hell of a lot more than any of us." Jack replied his eyes still trained on Gwen.

He was instantly by her side when she woke, coughing and spluttering.

"What happened?" She asked instantly as she saw Jack, Ianto and Tosh leaning over her.

"Long story," Jack replied helping her to stand up, "We're just about to find out for ourselves."

Gwen still looked a bit confused so Tosh outlined the whole scenario for her while Ianto and Jack checked up on Owen.

"Sir," Ianto whispered, "How do we know Owen will even wake up at all?"

Jack looked around to make sure the two women weren't listening before he sighed and said, "We don't. We have no idea how much he inhaled."

Ianto nodded and then said, "I would say we should run some tests on him but…I don't think any of us would know the right ones to do…"

"Should we bring him with us to the board room?" Tosh interrupted watching as Owen curled up on the sofa and muttered to himself about butterflies and hurricanes.

"Yeah, better to keep an eye on him I suppose," Jack said sadness rushing through his body as he imagined Owen not being able to wake up.

* * *

Once they were all comfortable in the board room again and Gwen had been updated on what was happening Tosh pressed play on the video.

There was complete silence as they watched Gwen giggle to herself and Gwen felt herself turning bright red. It did, however, get worse when they watched Jack eventually succumbed to the hallucinogen himself and start checking Gwen out.

Watching, Gwen hit Jack playfully on the arm and said, "Honestly, the hallucinogen makes the rest of us crazy but it just makes you horny. How is that fair?"

Jack grinned turning away from the screen for a moment before a general burst of laughter had him turning back to the video to see Gwen…talking to a wall.

She blushed in the cutest manner he had ever seen and hid behind a veil of her hair as on the screen she continued to gesture wildly at the wall.

"You know that wall is a bitch, I understand," Jack said teasing her.

"Shut up you," She replied, "I'll bet you did embarrassing things as well."  
Tosh and Ianto snorted, completely aware of what was coming up for Jack and Gwen. They did not, however, know what was in store for them and sat back to watch nervously.

So far neither of them had fallen under the influence but it could happen any minute.

Then came Jack's moment of glory.

"Jack…are you…?" Gwen asked hesitantly.

He froze and his eyes widened as he looked on in shock.

"Am I…?"

"Are you…making out…with air?" Gwen managed to say in between giggles.

Tosh and Ianto joined in the laughing and Jack held his hands up in defence, "look I'm sure it's not exactly what it looks like ok."

When the laughing continued he raised his voice slightly and in an exasperated tone said, "I _am_ the boss here, so…just shut up."

"You're never living _that_ down," Gwen muttered.

They watched as Tosh led Gwen down the stairs and Ianto followed a minute later dragging Jack behind him.

Owen's voice could clearly be heard at this time floating up from the autopsy bay and they listened to his rendition of 'I'm a Little Teapot'.

Snickering erupted throughout the room but it was hesitant, they didn't want to laugh at Owen if there was a chance he wouldn't wake up.

Soon they figured they wouldn't have to worry about that as Owen's voice came from the back of the board room, "I've got a bloody good voice don't I?"

**So they're all awake! Yay, now the REAL fun can begin, although I did start a bit in this chapter.**

**Also I'd be interested to know if anyone actually goes to read the fics I recommend (I don't mind one way or the other I'm just curious)**

**Again, reviewing pleeeez. This time with nekkid Jack Harkness on top...with your choice of toppping!**


	8. Chapter 8

**So kudos to anyone who got the Muse reference in the last chapter...don't think anyone did but it was a reference to their song 'Butterflies and Hurricanes' - is amazing, you should check it out. Lol, they _are _my favourite band so sorry for advertising **

**This chapter is dedicated to WhoKnows909 who won't have access to a computer til ****Monday. I hope I updated in time for you!**

**Fic I recommend: Invisible Influence by PygmyCritter - not any pairing really just a good read! (and PC Andy features!)**

**Thanks to:**

**V.L.Malfoy, ShadowHex, GossipGirl17, bad2wolf2mcgee, crazedchick, Section8grl, shadowxwolf, PassionPoet, Kat Ranger, starry-eyed-torchwood-lover, Gillianne-Luna, Terriah, Xeelia, WhoKnows909, scousedancer, I've Lost My Profile Page, Skly, Lauzzx, OneWhoSitsWithTheTurtles, big fan!!, bbaluver3, laughter.is.the.best.medicine, Starlite1, Perfect Pirate Captain, Lutherian, Itchigo, Pandora of Ithilien, Super Spazz Attack, All Star Ellie, MythStar Black Dragon**

* * *

The whole team was sitting silently around the board room table facing the large video screen which was mounted on the wall.

"So are you going to press play or what?" Owen finally blurted out, directing his question at Tosh who was currently fiddling uncomfortably with it.

"Yeah, it's just…"She trailed off distractedly.

"What?" Owen asked.

"This could be potentially _extremely _embarrassing for us," She almost whispered.

"Is there something you remember?" Gwen asked curiously.

"No," Tosh replied, "I just saw…I saw…what err, some people were doing…"

"Who?" Jack asked sharply.

"Erm…Ianto?" Tosh replied trying to get herself out of the hole she had just dug.

Jack just nodded, blatantly not believing her and settled back in his chair.

"So are you going to press play then?"

Tosh gulped audibly and hit the button. The screen flickered to life and immediately Tosh became visible talking to Ianto about something.

The change that came over her was instantly recognisable and they watched in interest as she started swaying back and forth and humming.

"Are you humming Justin Timberlake?" Owen asked incredulously.

Tosh blushed and nodded before looking up sharply and asking with a mischievous grin, "How did you know it was him?"

It was Owen's turn to blush as he replied rather fiercely, "It's hard _not _to know what his songs are! They're played bloody everywhere!"

The rest of the team just nodded and humoured him saying, "Oh yeah sure," and "whatever you say Owen."

The video continued and they watched as Jack tried ever so subtly to feel up Gwen. Jack could feel himself blushing and hoped against hope that no one would notice. He knew he would _never _live it down if he started _blushing _over this!

The attention was thankfully drawn off of him as Gwen became the main focus of attention.

"Gwen you're such a weirdo, your hands are being all spastic," Owen commented oh so politely.

"Yeah well at least I'm not the one singing nursery rhymes to myself," She retorted snidely and her comment earned a snicker from Tosh and Ianto. Jack was still too distracted thinking about what he might have done.

He wondered briefly if it was really necessary to show this tape but then decided they had to see exactly what had happened in the period where they were all completely out of it. He didn't see why he was so embarrassed about this, it's not like he didn't regularly hit on anything that moves…but this was _Gwen_, it was different.

"Gwen do you have some weird fixation on Bugs Bunny or something?" Owen asked after watching Gwen talk about it.

"No," She mumbled equally as confused about her comments, "Come on I was hallucinating! You can't take anything I'm saying seriously!"

They continued to watch as Ianto crept silently over to Tosh's workstation and Ianto flinched as he guessed what was coming.

Why oh why did he have to have done that, he guessed that was what had set Tosh off. He rubbed his head grimacing as it throbbed painfully.

Tosh could practically hear the intake of breath as she tackled Ianto to the floor and she snuck a glance at everyone. All their jaws were practically on the floor they had dropped so far and as usual Owen was the first to comment.

"Shit Tosh! Where'd you learn moves like that?"

She blinked, he sounded almost _impressed_! That was different.

"I've been taking Judo since I was ten Owen," She said dryly.

There was a shocked silence and then Jack said, trying not to laugh, "Ianto, she beat you bad!"

Everyone burst out laughing and Ianto just ducked his head trying not to think about what their reaction would be like _later _when she managed to beat him even worse.

"Also, a bird?" Gwen asked, giggling.

"Hallucinogen remember?" Ianto snapped, "You were the one who was _just _defending your actions with that excuse if I remember correctly…which I do."

"Yeah but…a bird?" Gwen snorted.

Her attention was snapped back to the screen as she heard a sharp intake of breath from Jack's direction and her eyes widened.

There was Jack…and her…on screen…doing what looked like…

"Oh no," She breathed out quietly.

The room had gone silent and the rest of the team cocked their necks quizzically as they tried to see what was going on there.

"Well…err…"Jack stuttered out trying not to think about what it must have felt like to kiss Gwen, "we don't err…need to see this."

He grabbed the remote from Tosh and hit what he thought was the fast forward button but ended up putting it in slow motion instead.

Now the team had a nice view of him practically molesting Gwen. He couldn't even bear to turn around to see what Gwen's reaction was.

She was, currently, blushing profusely and felt like her head might explode from the heat her face was generating.

"Jack stop the slow motion," She gabbled out reaching for the remote, "Just press…"

"I know what I'm doing Gwen," Jack argued snatching the remote back effectively pausing it just as Gwen seemed to be touching him…in a rather private area.

"Jack!" Gwen almost shrieked.

"Sorry," he said quickly pressing another button which thankfully skipped the camera to one focusing on Owen.

He was apparently trying to quote Shakespeare but with disastrous results.

"Oh Owen," Tosh said trying not to laugh…and failing, "Shakespeare is turning in his grave right now."

"Shut up Tosh," he muttered maturely.

* * *

On screen Owen suddenly started running down the corridor to the board room for no apparent reason and the team looked on in interest wondering what was happening.

He had entered the board room and Tosh suddenly appeared holding something behind her back.

Tosh suddenly got a very bad feeling which was confirmed as she watched herself kiss Owen. She suddenly became very aware of the looks she was getting from the rest of the team and kept her eyes down definitely _not _looking at Owen.

"Guess Gwen and Jack weren't the only ones getting kinky eh?" Owen chuckled stupidly.

"Owen!" Gwen chided him.

"Well I am outrageously sexy after all," Owen said pretentiously, "it just shouldn't be allowed."

Ianto suddenly broke out in a choking fit as he tried to swallow his laughter.

"You alright there Ianto?" Owen asked sharply.

"Yes, yep, absolutely fine," Ianto replied snickering to himself.

By this point on screen Owen had been handcuffed to the table and was being interrogated by Tosh.

"Tosh, you're mean!" Owen said surprised at her actions and he winced as he watched himself get slapped, "You're _really _mean!"

"Yeah well if someone was gibbering about bloody roller skates and elephants you'd slap them too!" Tosh snapped, annoyed at Owen's diffident reaction to her apparent show of affection.

On screen Owen was mumbling about Barbies and socks and the team was openly laughing at him now.

"Seriously Owen, Barbies?" Jack sniggered.

"Yeah you can talk, you horny pervert," Owen muttered in retaliation. That instantly shut Jack up as he studiously avoided Gwen's eyes and turned back to the video.

Ianto had joined the little party on screen and each team member was now watching almost in fear, as they didn't want anyone to see what they had done but each wanted a chance to embarrass someone else.

**Sooooo hope you enjoyed and there is a small chance that the weekend trip I was supposed to be taking last weekend is going to happen _this _weekend so if I don't update for a few days that's why! **

**Let's hope it doesn't happen oh and for anyone in the UK - David Tennant on Friday Night Project tomorrow!!**

**For those of you _not _in the UK, it will be on youtube within the week I bet!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Ok so another false alarm, I wish my mum would make up her mind! NOT going away for the weekend! YAY! Which means mooooore ficcage! Erm also someone seemed to think I was making this slightly Tosh/Ianto which I am NOT aiming for so yeah...that's not happening. Also just thaaank you to everyone, the amount of reviews is ah-mazing. So this chapter is a little longer than usualy, I got carried away :P**

**Fic I recommend: Just to Make Things Right by Starlite1 (I beta it hee hee)**

**Thanks to:**

**Leapingspots, WhoKnows909, Starlite1, doctor's gal 1792, OneWhoSitsWithTheTurtles, Perfect Pirate Captain, rachelthebooklover, lostprophetfan36, starry-eyed-torchwood-lover, scousedancer, crazedchick, Itchigo, Kat Ranger, bbaluver3, PassionPoet, PygmyCritter, Lutherian, Pandora of Ithilien, Gillianne-Luna, msndgal, All Star Ellie, shadowxwolf, GossipGirl17**

* * *

By this point, on screen, Owen and Ianto had been cuffed to the desk and were being yelled at by Tosh.

"Ianto did you think you were a bird?" Gwen asked curiously as she watched Ianto peck pathetically at his cuffs and cheep.

Ianto felt himself flush and swore silently having hoped no one would notice. He had no idea, of course, that he had been doing that. He just hoped that there would be no more embarrassing situations…involving him.

"Look alright why don't we just make a pact that we won't take the piss out of each other. We're blatantly all doing really embarrassing things, okay?" Ianto snapped.

There was silence and then Owen, of course, spoke up, "Yeah right tea-boy! I don't care what you lot say about me! But I'll say whatever I want about you."

There was a general clenching of fists as everyone tried to restrain from hitting him and then Tosh said, "Whatever, I don't even know why we need to watch this anyway."

She was clearly still embarrassed about the kiss and was hoping that there would _not _be a repeat of that.

"We need to see if anything happened," Jack replied sharply, "While we were out of it for all we know someone could have broken in and done something!"

"What's happening to Ianto?" Gwen asked pointing at the screen, watching as the tea-boy seemed to be suffering some sort of fit.

"I think that's what it looks like when you err…wake up," Jack replied casually, avoiding looking at her. The memory of what they had looked like kissing burned into his memory and he imagined he could still taste her in his mouth.

No wonder his lips felt chapped.

* * *

On screen Tosh had abandoned interrogating the two men and had walked out of the board room seemingly intent on doing something elsewhere.

"Look how resourceful I am," Ianto pointed out smirking as on screen he attempted to pick up the key with his tongue.

"Yeah and I'm sure you've had good practise elsewhere," Owen muttered darkly.

Ianto blushed and then retorted, "Yeah well at least I'm not completely obsessed with _glitter_! You're like a child, talking about that and blowing raspberries in my face."

Gwen and Tosh snickered and Owen glared at them muttering something about traitors and bloody tea-boys.

"Look at that," Ianto gestured, "I'm a genius."

The team watched as he managed to free himself and had to admit that they were impressed.

"How do you bend that way?" Gwen asked tilting her head to see better.

"I'm sure he could give you a demonstration after Gwen," Owen retorted, still bitter about the blows to his dignity.

Ianto rolled his eyes and grinned at Gwen who smirked back, two friends sharing a joke. But Jack felt a wave of heat, it wasn't jealousy, it really wasn't, roll through him at their connections. Since when had they become such good friends?

"Owen you're such a baby!" Tosh giggled, "You called him 'mummy'?"

"Ok fine! I take back what I said before, no comments. We watch the rest in silence." He huffed.

"Oh but Owen where's the fun in that?" Tosh teased him. She leaned forward to where he was sitting in front of her and breathed into his ear, "I like to make you squirm."

Jack, Gwen and Ianto stared in shock. Was Tosh _flirting _with Owen? Correction; was she flirting with him and it was _working_?

Owen cleared his throat hastily and shifted in his seat and said suddenly, "Oh look Ianto's leaving the board room, let's follow him. He pressed a button on the remote which switched cameras to show the main Hub again.

This meant they got a nice view of Jack and Gwen feeling each other up.

"Jeez Jack wasn't that painful when she bit your ear like that?" Tosh asked instantly regretting it as Gwen flushed an interesting shade of crimson and Jack turned to give her his death glare.

Under the glare however he was attempting to repress any images of what this might actually have felt like. Gwen biting his ear? Interesting…_shut up brain!_

Ianto was wincing waiting for the moment when Tosh would jump down on him. He remembered everything that happened from this point on and figured there wasn't much point watching…except he enjoyed watching the others blush.

"Oh my god Ianto, I'm so sorry," Tosh cried as she watched herself attack him, "I guess that's what you meant when you said you banged your head…"

Ianto nodded dryly as he rubbed said painful spot on head, "It's alright, you didn't know what you were doing."

"Tosh," Owen said, "You're bloody protective aren't you!"

Tosh mumbled something about her computers being special and that no one else understood before she said, "Oh look I'm waking up, I remember this."

Jack turned back to face Gwen for the first time since he had seen them kissing on screen and winked at her cheekily, "Nice bra," he mouthed enjoying the way her cheeks flared bright red at this.

Oh yes, no one could embarrass Jack Harkness. He was the dominant one here. But wait…hold on…

"What did you mean 'it's about time' Tosh?" He asked having just heard Tosh say it on screen.

She looked away and said, "Oh err…I just meant…well I was confused obviously…and well err…you know."

"Right," Jack said disbelievingly before turning back to the screen starting to get confused himself.

"Tosh how long is it until I wake up," Gwen almost whined not wanting to see anymore of herself exposed on screen.

"Oh…a while, Jack wakes up before you," Tosh replied pretending not to be secretly gleeful that she wasn't the only one squirming on the inside.

They didn't watch the camera showing Tosh and Ianto going back to the board room to fetch Owen as they knew what happened there but focused instead on what was happening in the main part of the Hub.

* * *

Gwen and Jack thankfully had ceased in their err…exploration of each other and Gwen had wandered off somewhere.

"This is it," Jack said, "I woke up around now."

True to his word he did the same eyes-rolling-back-into-head-fainting thing that Tosh and Ianto had gone through and watching, Jack felt like shutting his eyes at this point.

He didn't want to remember the icy fear that had shot through him when Gwen jumped from the banisters.

"What am I doing?" Gwen asked curiously and then her eyes widened almost comically, "Oh my god…_what am I doing_?!"

"It's alright," Owen said apparently trying to reassure her, "Nothing obviously happened or you wouldn't be sitting here right now."

"Oh great thanks Owen that makes me feel so much better," Gwen muttered clenching her fists.

The whole team winced as Gwen jumped but then an audible sigh of relief was exhaled as Jack caught her. Gwen almost melted as she watched herself fall safely into his arms. It was too late, the cheesy thought had already run through her head _he'll always catch me._

She shook her head to get the thought out and realised Ianto was sending her a worried glance. She hastily schooled her features back to 'shocked-that-she-had-just-jumped-off-the-stairs' and grinned at him.

As they watched Tosh and Ianto dragging Owen behind them walked onto the scene. Tosh was giggling to herself and Owen just _had _to ask.

"What's so funny Tosh?"

A slow smile spread across her face as Ianto turned to her with a pleading expression on his face.

"Oh, just something you said," She said innocently.

"Yeah, what did I say? I mean, I know I'm hilarious but let us in on the joke." Owen smirked, thinking himself so clever.

"Oh well you just commented on how pretty you thought Ianto was." Tosh said.

There was silence and then Jack and Gwen burst out laughing and even Ianto had to join in as they watched Owen grow redder and redder.

"I'm not…I don't…I like…" he stuttered uselessly trying to protect his masculinity as well, "How much more is there?!"

**Alriiight so their time of watching the CCTV is nearly over and then I'll start unravelling the mystery of the vial...dun dun duuuunnn**

**Hope you enjoyed and don't forgeeet to review! Hmmm there was a lot of requests for Jack Harkness to be served with chocolate...which I can totally understand being a big chocoholic myself.**

**Let's seee...perhaps we could go for melted chocolate...in a _fountain_!**

**Oh dear...the images in my head right now...guh!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Thanks for the amazing response guys! You are all amazing. I think from here on it is getting less crack-ish and the plotline will be developing more, hopefully you will still enjoy it though. I'll try to keep some humour in! I am properly obsessed with Supernatural now, I brought season 1 and 2 on DVD...any other fans out there?**

**Fic I recommend: Black Eternity by shadowxwolf (if angst is your thing...check this out!)**

**Thanks to:**

**Kat Ranger, crazedchick, shadowxwolf, Section8grl, OneWhoSitsWithTheTurtles, PassionPoet, bbaluver3, lauraj01, Adeline ambition, Xeelia, Perfect Pirate Captain, laughter.is.the.best.medicine, scousedancer, Starlite1, Super Spazz Attack, MythStar Black Dragon, mt, Leapingspots, Pandora of Ithilien, I've Lost My Profile Page, Gillianne-Luna, All Star Ellie**

* * *

They watched as Gwen fell off the table into Jack's awaiting arms and Gwen tried to ignore the cheesy thoughts that ran through her brain…again.

"So that's everyone awake except Owen," Said Tosh already running through plans in her head, "So we know nothing happened while we were…err…out of it." After a hasty look at Jack and Gwen she added, "Nothing hostile and alien…"

"Yeah so what do we do now?" Gwen asked, changing the subject and still determinedly _not _looking at Jack. God, she couldn't believe she had done _that _with her boss!

"Well we need to find out where exactly that vial came from and what that house has to do with everything," Jack said.

"Do you remember anything from the house?" Ianto asked Owen.

He shook his head and thought for a minute, "No, I just remember leaving Gwen and going upstairs to look around; I walked into a room and found the vial. All I remember after that is picking it up and then I was here."

"Well that's helpful," Ianto muttered sarcastically.

"Yeah well you're not exactly doing much either tea-boy," Owen retorted.

"Guys stop it," Gwen chided them, "We need to figure out our plan of action and you aren't helping."

"Right," Jack said, taking charge, "Ianto you go find out about the house, who lived there, what happened. Owen I want you to analyze the vial, see if you can figure out what exactly that stuff was. Tosh I need you on the CCTV see if you can find out who was seen leaving or entering that house in the past twenty four hours. Gwen you're with me, we're going back to the house."

Gwen sighed, she had sort of been expecting this, he would give her 'the talk' about it being a mistake and that they were under the influence and that it wouldn't happen again. Her shoulders slumped at the thought but she quickly straightened up, she wasn't upset about that.

"But that house is creepy," She mumbled.

"It's alright Gwen," Jack flashed her his infamous grin, "I'll be with you all the way."

The grin coupled with the words made her heart flip suddenly and she turned away hoping he wouldn't notice her blushing.

She caught Owen's eye for a split second and he smirked knowingly.

"Shut up," She mouthed gesturing at Tosh and it was his turn to flush and look away.

Jack grabbed his greatcoat from the coat stand and smiled at Gwen, "You coming?"

She nodded mutely and followed casting a last desperate glance at Tosh who smiled encouragingly.

* * *

They drove most of the way in complete silence broken occasionally by Jack talking into his com to either Tosh or Ianto.

They were nearing the house when Gwen turned to him suddenly and asked, "When are we going to talk about it?"

He sent her a confused glance and said, "Talk about what?"

"What…happened. I don't want things to be awkward Jack," She said.

"I wasn't under the impression that they were," He said shortly pulling the SUV over in front of the house, "We're here."

Gwen watched in amazement as he calmly stepped out of the car and slammed the door.

_What the hell?_

She followed in silence not wanting to be the one to initiate conversation but feeling frustration build up inside of her as Jack continued to evade the topic.

"You want top or bottom?"

"What?!" She asked in shock, as the question burst in on her thoughts.

Jack gave her a strange look but there was a twinkle in his eye which suggested he was extremely amused by her reaction, "Upstairs or downstairs Gwen?"

"Oh, I'll take upstairs," She said, remembering the chills she had gotten from exploring the downstairs.

The house was still the same tip it had been hours before, it was hard to believe so much had happened between then and now.

Owen had collapsed, Tosh had gone psycho, Gwen had kissed Jack…

Continuing on with the train of thought she wondered why she was so frustrated Jack was avoiding the subject. Shouldn't she be glad he didn't want to talk about it?

But that meant he wanted to pretend it had never happened…why should it be important that he didn't pretend that?

Shaking the thoughts from her head she carried on along the corridor and cautiously pushed open the first door she came to.

It seemed to be a bedroom but it was a dump. Clothes were strewn all over the room and the bed covers were draped unceremoniously along the curtain rail. She stepped back out and called downstairs, "You find anything yet?"

He didn't reply for a few seconds and she a niggling worried feeling rose up inside of her but it abated when Jack called back, "Just mess and more mess, you?"

"Nothing up here, what are we looking for anyway?"

"Any signs of alien activity or violence, a struggle maybe?"

"It looks like there have been about a hundred struggles all over the house," She retorted surveying the next room in distaste.

She reached the last room and swung open the door freezing in horror as she caught sight of what was in there.

"Jack," She called frantically, "Jack you should get up here, now!"

Hearing the panic in her tone he ran up the stairs and joined her quickly. She pointed in disgust inside the room and he stepped in holding his torch up.

Two bodies lay in the room, completely mutilated. One was a woman lying across the bed a knife protruding out of her stomach and blood spread all over her clothes. The other was a man, lying on the floor. His hands had been cut off and someone had placed them back in position in a grotesque attempt to seemingly put them back on but they were on the wrong sides.

"Gwen we need to get these back to the Hub," Jack said.

"Oh no way am I going near them," She moaned.

"Gwen come on," He stepped closer to her and her breath hitched as he reached out a hand to cup her cheek, "It's ok, whatever did this is long gone and we need to help them. We need to find out who did this."

Gulping she nodded and said, "Alright let's drag them downstairs."

* * *

Once they were back at the Hub Owen took charge of the bodies, happily taking them down to the autopsy bay.

Ianto had instantly offered Gwen a fresh mug of coffee noticing how pale she looked.

"You alright?" He asked

"Yeah, fine, I just want to get the smell of dead body out of my hair," She said smiling weakly.

"Towels are by the showers," he said.

"Thanks Ianto," Gwen grimaced at him in an attempt to smile properly and headed down to the showers.

"Ianto what did you manage to find out about the house?" Jack asked walking over to him.

"Nothing interesting, it was owned by a Mr and Mrs Davies," Ianto gestured towards the autopsy room, "They're our new houseguests. They've lived there for nearly ten years and don't have any children."

"So what happened to them?" Jack asked, mainly to himself.

"Do I detect a much needed trip to a rooftop?" Ianto asked cheekily.

Jack just glared at him and walked over to Tosh to find out what she had learned.

**So...you MUST know the drill by now, revieeew please! I'm not sure what I can offer you now you've all gone and taken Jack...anyone watch the FNP with David Tennant? Seriously, if I found him tied to a bed...I would NOT run away! (hehe)**


	11. Chapter 11

**Wow sorry for the delay guys, I've been obsessing over my LiveJournal as I recently (with help) managed to make it pretty. If any of you have LJ feel free to add me as a friend I'm under the same username. Just let me know who you are! (I need more friends lol)**

**Fic I recommend: Things We Should Have Said by BobbieRae**

**Thanks to:**

**Leapingspots, shadowxwolf, Kat Ranger, Super Spazz Attack, scousedancer, Perfect Pirate Captain, Pandora of Ithilien, PassionPoet, Adeline ambition, bad2wolf2mcgee, Crazy Psycho Book Freak, GossipGirl17, Gillianne-Luna, bbaluver3, Lauzzx, OneWhoSitsWithTheTurtles, Kazz the 13th, sci.girl382, WhoKnows909, MythStar Black Dragon, All Star Ellie**

* * *

Gwen sighed as she stepped under the hot water, the memory of the bodies still making her shudder. It was weird to think that less than an hour ago she had been hallucinating and talking to a wall…oh and kissing her boss, but that's not what she was focusing on just then.

She just wished she could remember what it felt like; all she could do was think about what it _looked _like on the CCTV. She ran her fingers over her lips thoughtfully imagining what it would feel like if it were Jack's lips instead…_no bad brain, bad bad brain! _She mentally kicked herself, thoughts like that were what would lead down an extremely bumpy road.

She turned the shower off content that the smell of rotting corpses had been washed off and stepped out of the cubicle wrapping a towel around her…right into Jack, the person she least wanted to see just then.

"Jack!" She said taken by surprise.

"Gwen…" he trailed off as he noticed her state of attire, "good look you've got going there, you should work it more often."

She merely sighed and ignored his smirk, "What do you want?"

"Just came to tell you to hurry up, we've got a lead," He said still giving her that damn smirk…_damn him standing there looking all sexy and exuding sexiness and just generally being sex on legs…_

Her eyes widened as she realised the thoughts that were running through her head and she coughed nervously remembering she was still only wearing a towel.

"Looks like you missed a spot," Jack muttered reaching out a hand to rub off some foamy soap which was clinging to her shoulder.

His fingers lingered longer than was probably appropriate but she found that she didn't really care that much. She looked up straight into his eyes and couldn't look away. She wondered, ever so briefly, what it would feel like to kiss him. Damnit why couldn't she _remember_?

"So are you going to let me get dressed first or is there some new dress code policy I haven't been told about?" She managed to say in a fairly normal voice. It only squeaked slightly.

"Oh right," Jack mumbled looking almost flustered, "Get up there as soon as you can."

Gwen grinned, Jack flustered? She'd have to try bumping into him in a towel again, it produced interesting reactions.

* * *

Once the whole team was gathered together by Tosh's work station they got down to business.

"Ok," Started Tosh, "I found a CCTV camera outside a small corner shop which was on the same street as that house and it almost reached the house but not quite. Basically I found someone who went in but the image is too grainy and way too far away to be able to get anything clearer."

"So how does that help?" Owen asked impatiently.

"Hold on, I was getting there," Said Tosh, who seemed a lot calmer around Owen than usual, "So the person went into the house and came out about ten minutes later and…" She paused for dramatic effect, "Went into the house next door."

There was silence and then Owen stated what they were all thinking.

"And how does that help at all Tosh?"

"Well if you'd let me finish," Tosh snapped, "You'd have found out that I've been monitoring that house and no one has left since whoever it was went in."

"Does that mean our killer is still in there?" Gwen asked.

"It seems that way," Tosh replied smugly, smirking slightly at Owen.

He made a face at her and then said, "So what's our plan?"

"Wait Owen, what did you find out about the gas?" Jack asked

"Ah," Said Owen, "Well…not much. It's fairly similar to your basic LSD…"

"You mean we all just got roofied?" Ianto interrupted.

"Wait a second, I wasn't finished," Owen said frowning at Ianto, "I said it's _similar _to the basic LSD, but it does have alien properties. Whatever it is, it definitely came through the rift."

Everyone turned to Jack as the sound of him loading his gun echoed through the Hub, "So who wants to come with me?"

* * *

"I can't believe I got roped into coming," Owen moaned from the backseat of the SUV, "And why aren't I driving?"

"Because I'm in the car and I sign your pay checks," Jack said grinning at him.

Gwen smiled to herself in the passenger seat and looked out of the window seeing the familiar scenery as she travelled for the third time that day to the same street.

"So you both know the drill? We kick down the door and rush in, someone _always _covers, you got that?" Jack asked

"Yes sir," Gwen saluted. Owen just nodded morosely.

Jack cocked an eyebrow at Gwen, "You should call me that more often."

She blushed and returned to staring out of the window avidly.

The SUV screeched to a halt outside of the same house except this time Gwen kicked down the gate next door.

"Why do they always break when I do that?" She muttered to herself ignoring the snickering from behind her.

"Does this house look any _less _creepier to you?" Owen commented

Gwen surveyed the crumbling brickwork and the flaking paint on the door and had to surmise that, no it didn't look any less creepy.

Jack went first kicking in the door, gun held straight out gesturing for Gwen and Owen to follow.

Tosh's voice crackled through all of their coms, "I'm only getting one heat signature from that house guys and it's on the second floor."

Gwen swallowed her nerves and stepped onto the first step wincing as it creaked loudly. She could feel Jack and Owen behind her and reassured by this she ran quickly up the rest of the stairs taking directions from Tosh.

All three of them stood outside the room where Tosh had detected the heat and nodded silently at each other.

Gun held aloft, Gwen turned the knob and rushed in quickly wondering what exactly it was they would find.

They did not expect to find a man sitting on the floor of the room singing softly to himself and wearing a pink tutu.

But find him they did.

Gwen lowered her gun cautiously recognising the signs of someone under the influence of the alien hallucinogen. She moved slowly forwards not even sure if he registered their presence.

It was only when she was a few inches away that she noticed the blood on his hands and spattered over his clothes.

She gasped softly and his head shot up at the noise, a manic gleam in his eyes.

She vaguely heard Jack yelling something along the lines of, "Gwen, get back!" But she could do nothing and she seemed to watch in slow motion as she saw the man's hand shoot out towards her clutching a steely dagger, gleaming with blood, tightly in it.

**Gah sorry about the cliffhanger - I seem to have a tendency to do that. Is anyone else getting that when you upload a document you get like a double first line? It's really annoying...anyhooo what can I bribe you with now?**

**David Tennant tied to a bed AND John Barrowman in that oh so sexy wig he wore on the FNP - lol. (Don't worry I AM kidding)**

**Review review review ples, I am oh so near 200...which is just mind blowing. Thanks a bunch!!**


	12. Chapter 12

**So apologies for the cliffhanger, seemed to upset a few of you lol. Also for those of you who have ever seen the show Green Wing I sort of based the tutu guy on Dr Statham for no particular reason at all. Lol...**

**Fic I recommend: Don't Throw Staplers by BobbieRae (PWP basically...hot)**

**Thanks to:**

**Kat Ranger, PassionPoet, bbaluver3, OneWhoSitsWithTheTurtles, doctor's gal 1792, sci.girl382, Perfect Pirate Captain, Gillianne-Luna, Pandora of Ithilien, Super Spazz Attack, All Star Ellie, Section8grl, GossipGirl17, Rae, starry-eyed-torchwood-lover, Ne'ith5, Me, I've Lost My Profile Page, msndgal, Charlotte**

**Special thanks to Chloe for helping with the name!**

* * *

Gwen gasped as the knife flashed before her face and then something heavy was crashing into her and the next thing she knew she was on the floor with something large and warm on top of her.

"Gwen, are you ok?" It asked and through the haze of confusion in her mind she realised it was Jack.

"Uh…" She mumbled still slightly in shock.

"Guys sorry to break up the moment but a little help would be nice," Owen said in a strangled voice as he attempted to subdue the man.

"Right," Jack said getting up off of Gwen and holding out a hand to help her up. She winced as her arm stretched out and she saw that the knife has slit her arm open from elbow to wrist and blood was steadily leaking out.

"Ow," She muttered to herself, frowning slightly. She stared at the blood as it dripped out of her arm and her head spun unsteadily.

She stumbled as Jack helped her up and he caught sight of the wound, "Oh Gwen, we need to get you back to the Hub. Owen, is he stable?"

Owen looked up from where he had managed to cuff the man's hands behind his back and replied, "No thanks to you."

"Yeah I've got him, could you take a look at Gwen's arm?" Jack said ignoring Owen's snide remark.

Owen took one look at her arm and whistled to himself, "Ok here's some advice Gwen, next time you see a man in a tutu he is most likely mad so _don't _got near him alright?"

She managed to send her best death glare at him and started to speak before the room lurched and she felt her stomach spin around inside her.

"If you're gonna hurl make sure you do it before we get in the SUV," Owen said noticing how pale she looked.

"I'm fine," She managed to croak out pushing past him, just wanting to get back to the Hub and out of this damn house.

"Whoa easy there tiger," Jack grabbed onto her as she swayed unsteadily on her feet, "You're not going anywhere without me."

These words managed to produce a sort of flip-flopping of her stomach and the queasiness increased. _Damnit why wouldn't Jack just stop being so…manly!_

This thought was quickly rid of as Jack clicked his fingers and said to their prisoner in what was possibly the gayest voice ever, "Alright sweet cheeks, let's get you back to mine and then _I'll _wear the tutu."

Gwen and Owen rolled their eyes helping to lead the man out of the house and into the back of the SUV.

* * *

Gwen had passed out in the SUV on the way back to the Hub from the loss of blood and Owen immediately dragged her down to the autopsy bay where he stitched up the wound.

He attempted to ignore Jack who was hovering annoyingly around the stairs, unwilling to show how worried he was.

"She'll be fine Jack, go do your job," Owen said for what must have been the sixth time.

"I just want to make sure," He replied sharply, sending an unreadable look at Owen.

"Alright whatever," Owen sighed as he turned back to Gwen, cutting off the thread and putting it away feeling Jack watching him, finally he burst out exasperatedly, "You can come down, I'm finished."

"I wasn't asking permission Owen," Jack said, but started down the stairs anyway.

"I'll leave you two alone," Owen muttered as he tossed his plastic gloves into the bin.

Jack ignored him and slipped his fingers through Gwen's so he was holding her hand tightly.

He stayed like that until she stirred weakly and opened her eyes.

"Jack?" She muttered, blinking at the sudden light.

Jack felt some unreadable emotion well up inside of him at the sight of Gwen waking up and looking innocently up at him like that.

But then she grinned cockily up at him and said, "You're holding my hand," and the moment was lost.

He smirked back at her, "So what?"

Her grin faded and she sat up so her face was just inches away from his, "So…why are you holding my hand?"

He was silent for a few seconds and then said, "I just wanted to know what it would feel like."

"And…?" Gwen whispered seemingly unable to talk normally.

Jack shrugged nonchalantly effectively ruining the mood by saying, "Meh, nothing special."

Gwen ripped her hand out of his and stood up bridging the gap between them, "Oh." Was all she managed to get out before Jack grabbed the sides of her head between his hands and crashed his lips into hers.

A muffled 'oomph' noise escaped her lips at the sudden onslaught but once she realised what was happening she quickly relaxed and started to enjoy the feeling of Jack's tongue gently caressing her mouth.

She sighed into the kiss allowing his hands to wrap themselves around her waist and draw her closer.

Gwen felt like she should take advantage of this moment while she could and slid her hands daringly down his back until she could feel the muscle of his buttocks beneath her hands.

He drew away as the need for air became quite a pressing concern and she whispered into his mouth, "And what did that feel like?"

She could _feel _Jack smiling against her mouth as he whispered back, his hot breath dancing over her lips, "It was alright, I've had better."

She rolled her eyes at the typical Jack comment and said, "Well I guess we have to give it another go then," before leaning forwards and gently pressing her lips against his.

This kiss quickly became more fiery and heated as Gwen felt Jack pull her flush against him until it felt like they were the same person. His tongue and hers were fighting for dominance as his hands felt like they were _everywhere_.

"So whenever you two are ready, we have a prisoner to interrogate," Owen's obnoxious voice burst in on their moment and they split apart surprised.

"Owen, they were having a _moment_," Tosh muttered glaring at him.

"A what?" He whispered back, naturally loud enough for everyone to hear.

"Never mind," Tosh slapped his arm hard enough for him to yelp and look at her strangely, "So you're alright then Gwen?"

"Yes, yep I'm fine," Gwen replied a little breathlessly as she climbed slowly up the stairs feeling Jack's eyes boring into her from behind. She was willing to bed he was checking out her ass as she walked up the stairs. _Typical. _That wasn't to say she didn't enjoy the feeling though.

She even added a little extra wiggle for effect.

"So what have we got?" She asked once they were all assembled in front of the monitor showing the man sitting in one of the cells.

"His name is Harry Topkins; he lives in the house you found him in and works at an office near the docks. He's a perfectly ordinary guy." Tosh said looking slightly confused.

"So are we to understand he just happened across this vial and went a bit mad and killed his neighbours?" Owen asked.

"Well it's perfectly plausible," Ianto said.

"There's just one thing that's missing," Jack said musingly.

"What?" Gwen asked curiously.

"Why is he wearing a tutu?"

**So I thought you'd all enjoy a little err...action there, hehe. **

**I'm thinking this is kinda nearing the end...maybe...anyway I've reached 200 reviews which is the most I have EVER gotten so wow, thanks! **

**This week I've had a few requests for Ianto to be added to the mix. And I'll give him to you...in those tight jeans he wore in Fragments...hehe. But for those of you who don't like him Jack is still on offer, don't fret.**


	13. Chapter 13

**Just to make it clear by the way for all intents and purposes the Owen in this fic is not dead and has never died. He is perfectly able to drink and have embarrassing manly situations (which might be relevant later I don't know...)**

**Fic I recommend: Test? by CryssieM**

**Thanks to:**

**MythStar Black Dragon, Perfect Pirate Captain, bbaluver3, doctor's gal 1792, Skly, Itchigo, laughter.is.the.best.medicine, GosspGirl17, shadowxwolf, Super Spazz Attack, OneWhoSitsWithTheTurtles, PassionPoet, Kat Ranger, rachelthebooklover, scousedancer, Lutherian, Pandora of Ithilien, Gillianne-Luna, WhoKnows909, -She'sOutOfFocus, All Star Ellie, Terriah, I've Lost My Profile Page, Section8grl, nats-stars, I Heart Robin Hood**

* * *

Silence followed Jack's remark, no one particularly sure whether he was being serious or not, and then Gwen ventured nervously, "I don't think there's err…any particular _reason_."

"Yeah he's mental," Owen added helpfully.

"He's not _mental_," Ianto interrupted, "He's _high_, there's a difference."

"Yeah 'cause everyone who's smoked a bit too much of the old green grass goes around offing people," Owen retorted.

"We don't know how it affects different people," Ianto said his tone becoming more heated.

"Hey guys, would you shut up," Jack snapped watching tutu guy on the CCTV, "Ianto's right, this stuff could affect people in different ways."

Ianto made a face at Owen who just narrowed his eyes in return and started plotting ways to destroy him. He would start with the coffee machine.

"But Owen has a point too, none of us started killing people," Jack continued.

Ianto muttered something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like "Tosh got close" and Tosh flushed averting her eyes from the bruise that was forming on Ianto's head.

"I'm going to go talk to him," Jack announced.

"I'm not sure what good that would do," Owen said, "He's completely out of it for now, shouldn't we just wait until he's err…sobered up?"

"Yeah I mean we can pretty much guess what happened," Tosh said, "It's a bit obvious."

"That doesn't explain how he got a hold of the stuff in the first place," Jack said still staring thoughtfully at the screen in his classic Jack 'thinking' pose.

"It probably just fell through the rift somewhere," Gwen said impatiently starting to get annoyed that Jack hadn't looked at her in the past few minutes, "Seriously there's not much we can do for this guy now. Just retcon him once he's sober and kick him out."

"But what if that stuff just amplifies emotions," Jack mused, "What if he had the potential to be a killer the whole time and the gas just made it happen?"

"But he _wasn't_ a killer before," Gwen retorted.

Jack abruptly turned away from the screen and locked eyes with Gwen causing a flush to rise in her cheeks rapidly, "You're right, let's just leave him be for now."

"What do we do in the mean time?" Tosh asked.

Jack sent Gwen a look that left very little to the imagination and the rest of the team shuffled uneasily trying to avoid the sizzling sexual tension that was currently zapping between the two of them.

"Anyone up for a trip to the pub?" Jack asked brightly.

"Oh god yes," Owen almost wept in delight, "I've never needed a drink this badly in my entire life. This day has been…long."

The rest of the team chuckled and respectively grabbed their coats looking forward to escaping their current case.

* * *

Once at the nearest pub they could find that wasn't too crowded they settled down comfortably clutching pints.

There was an easy silence and then Owen effectively ruined it by smirking at Gwen and saying, "Making your way through the Torchwood men then?"

Gwen had never wanted to hurt someone more in her entire life. She had to focus every inch of her being on not chucking her beer over his head.

Instead she settled for blushing furiously and saying, "Owen if you value any part of your body that gives you pleasure I would suggest that you shut the fuck up before you find it sadly lacking."

Ianto and Tosh laughed outright at the look on Owen's face that followed this statement and Jack merely smiled openly at Owen whilst settling his arm comfortably around Gwen's shoulders.

"So what are we going to do once tutu man wakes up?" Tosh asked, changing the subject ever so subtly.

Owen groaned, "Do we always have to talk about work when we're out?"

Tosh looked mildly affronted, "Well I thought since we have absolutely no idea what we're doing it would be good to set a game plan. Not all of us like to make stuff up on the spot Owen, some of us are _clever_."

Everyone stared in shock at Tosh; she had never been able to be this comfortable around Owen before. Had that hallucinogen done something to her?

"Tosh," Owen said in a mock hurt voice, "that was slightly uncalled for."

Tosh just shrugged and continued to sip her beer, "I still think we need a plan."

Gwen honestly had been trying to pay attention the conversation but the fact that Jack's arm…._Jack's arm_…was around her shoulders was slightly distracting.

"A what?" She asked, attempting to join in the conversation coherently.

Tosh looked like she was trying to hold in laughter, and failing miserably, "A plan Gwen, it's most commonly useful because it allows us to think out our actions."

"Yes I _know _what a plan is thank you Tosh," Gwen grumbled.

Tosh just smiled and continued, "So anyone have any ideas?"

"I say we interrogate him and find out what exactly happened," Ianto said, "But then he wouldn't remember what happened whilst he was out of it right?"

Gwen nodded and added, "We need to track that vial and find out where it came from."

"I honestly don't think there's much more to this case," Owen said, "I think this is it. It's over."

This was followed by silence as the rest of the team mulled over this thought.

* * *

"What did you tell them?" Gwen giggled drunkenly as she leaned against Jack.

"I said we had to go do some filing," He replied, helping her through the cog-door into the Hub.

"They never would buy that," Gwen said in mock outrage, "They'll know what we're doing."

"Oh yeah?" Jack smiled, "And what exactly do you think we're going to be doing?"

She giggled nervously as her stomach swooped, "Erm…not…filing?"

They had reached the sofas in the main Hub and Jack leaned closer to her whispering in her ear, "Correct," before lightly kissing her neck and simultaneously helping her take her jacket off.

Gwen swore she was actually melting because when Jack did _that _to her, it sent an unbelievable feeling of heat rushing through her and she sighed in pleasure.

His lips eventually met hers and the kiss was at once fiery and passionate sending a thrill through her entire body.

Jack not-so-gently pushed her down onto the sofa and adjusted their position so he was lying on top of her, her legs wrapped around his.

Gwen's fingers nimbly undid his shirt buttons and slid his shirt off sucking in breath as she slid her hands over the skin beneath.

"Jack," She sighed, "What are we doing?"

He didn't answer, instead lifting her top over her head and pressing his lips against hers again. Then he pulled away and whispered huskily, "When I saw us on tape," He pressed his lips to hers again quickly, "I needed to know what it felt like…I hated that I couldn't _remember_. And now that I know, we're not stopping."

Gwen felt this explanation was satisfactory, in fact with the feelings that Jack was invoking in her she felt that any explanation would have been satisfactory just then, even if he merely said that he felt like a quickie.

She pulled his head roughly down and kissed him again, savouring the feeling of his mouth. Her hands were slowly edging south as she became more daring when a crash tore them away from each other.

"What the hell was that?" Gwen asked sitting up.

**YAY some semi-smutty goodness there for you all. OK so no false alarm this time...I AM going away this weekend until Sunday so no updates until then...which actually isn't that long I suppose. But I was SO worried I would miss the last episode of TW but thanksfully it's on BBC2 (I don't have BBC3 where I'm going)**

**Review as always s'il vous plait. This time...let's see...hmm...how about I give you Jack as a present with a bow on your choice of appendage lol. Jeeez I seriously MUST get my mind out of the gutter...eventually. Hehe**


	14. Chapter 14

**So I keep meaning to say this every chapter but for this fic I'm pretending Gwen broke up with Rhys ages ago or he never existed or something...cos that's just conveniant. Lol...sorry for the delay but SNOW! Omg it _snowed _in England in freakin April. **

**Fic I recommend: Basically anything by CryssieM she has some marvellous Jack/Gwen fics!**

**Thanks to:**

**crazedchick, Kat Ranger, Section8grl, DEFiiANCE, WhoKnows909, GossipGirl17, MitsukixTakuto 4 ever, Hellen Lou, beca, Gillianne-Luna, OneWhoSitsWithTheTurtles, Perfect Pirate Captain, Skly, rachelthebooklover, bbaluver3, PassionPoet, starry-eyed-torchwood-lover, Scousedancer, shadowxwolf, Lutherian, MythStar Black Dragon, JsyGirl, -She'sOutOfFocus, I Heart Robin Hood, Itchigo, doctor's gal 1792, Pandora of Ithilien, sashapotter**

* * *

Back at the pub the three remaining Torchwood members were nursing their third pints and aiming for the fourth.

"That was such a crap excuse," Tosh mumbled, giggling slightly.

"Yeah we all know they're going back to the Hub to get jiggy with it," Owen remarked casually downing the last dregs of beer in his mug.

Ianto nearly choked on his drink, "Did you just say 'get jiggy with it'? Because if you did I may not ever be able to talk to you again."

Owen blushed slightly but retorted, "Fine by me tea-boy."

"You know I don't understand why people keep calling me tea-boy," Ianto mused, "I don't make tea; I make the freaking best _coffee _in Wales."

"I think you boys need more drinks," Tosh announced brightly, her cheeks slightly flushed from the alcohol, "I'll be right back."

She had to climb over Owen to get out of the booth and he tried his best not to stare at her ass as she stepped over him, he honestly did.

"When are you gonna get a clue?" Ianto asked incredulously.

"What are you talking about?" Owen asked confused and oblivious, as ever.

Ianto just shook his head and was about to reply when something at the bar caught his attention and he grinned slightly, "Looks like that stuff really did something to Tosh, I've never seen her chat so openly to a stranger."

This of course made Owen extremely anxious, yes he was _anxious_ because Tosh was a friend and he was looking out for her.

Which was, of course, why he marched up to the guy Tosh was chatting to and stepping between them said, "Tosh where're those drinks you promised?"

He then glared momentarily at the asshole and settling an arm around Tosh's shoulders he led her back to their table where Ianto was shaking with suppressed laughter.

"What are you laughing at?" Owen hissed at him shoving Tosh unceremoniously down into her seat, not seeing the triumphant look pass across her face.

"Oh nothing," Ianto replied innocently, winking discreetly at Tosh.

"I just didn't want some sleaze ball taking advantage of her," Owen muttered avoiding Tosh's eyes.

"It's alright Owen," Tosh said comfortingly and then a mischievous grin crossed her face, "although you know he was just asking where I brought my bag because he thought his boyfriend would like one just like it."

Ianto and Tosh watched in amusement as Owen's face turned a sort of magenta and fuchsia hybrid colour.

Then he cleared his throat and the normal arrogant Owen exterior was back in place, "So where's that drink you brought me Tosh?"

Tosh smiled as she handed over the beer and said, "So Jack and Gwen huh?"

Owen breathed out a sigh of relief at the change of conversation and said, "It had to happen sooner or later."

There was an obvious silence from Ianto and Tosh asked warily, "You're alright with that aren't you?"

He nodded immediately and said, "Yeah I sort of figured something would be happening there eventually. I mean, that amount of sexual tension would make me explode."

Tosh still had a sympathetic look on her face and Owen, well Owen was just smirking at him, but he said, "Seriously I'm fine. Me and Jack, whatever we had was just physical and it's over anyway."

"So anyone else you got your eye on?" Tosh asked curiously.

Ianto took a large gulp of his beer and said flatly, "Tosh we work at Torchwood. How would I _ever _meet anyone?"

Tosh waved her arm around slopping her beer onto Owen accidentally, "Ianto we're in a bar."

"Tosh, you're drunk," Ianto said.

She looked mildly affronted at this and replied, "Am not!"

Ianto sighed and got up saying, "I'll go get some napkins."

"He totally needs to get laid," Tosh commented and Owen spluttered on his beer before he managed to breathe normally.

"You're such a lightweight," He said laughing at her.

A comfortable silence fell between the two and Owen found himself recalling the video from earlier. Tosh had kissed him. The brief thought about how it had felt like flew through his brain before he realised Tosh was talking to him.

* * *

At the Hub Gwen and Jack were cautiously getting up from the sofa wondering what the crash had been.

"Tutu man's still in his cell," Gwen said after checking the monitor.

"Well there's no one else in here," Jack said annoyed at the interruption.

"Maybe it was Myfanwy?" Gwen asked but fell silent on seeing the pterodactyl still curled up on the floor of the Hub.

Jack was about to reply when a low snarl echoed throughout the Hub. Gwen froze and Jack edged closer to her taking out his gun.

"Gwen?" He said.

"Yeah?"

"Did we check the weevils after the gas was released?"

"No"

"Shit"

"What do you think happened?"

Jack just shook his head and replied, "I'm going to call Ianto, you check the CCTV. We don't know how this stuff affects different species."

Gwen nodded and sat down in front of one of the computers while Jack dialled Ianto's number.

* * *

"So is it going to be weird now do you think, now that Gwen and Jack are doing it?"

"Tosh what has gotten into you?" Owen asked setting his mug down on the table and turning to face her.

She looked slightly confused but then asked, "What do you mean?"

Owen shook his head, "It's nothing, you just seem…different."

"Is that good different or bad different?" Tosh asked her eyes boring into his.

Owen could feel himself unwittingly leaning forward and he managed to stop himself before replying, "I'm pretty sure it's good."

The air between them was thick with unspoken thoughts as they stared at each other and then suddenly Tosh broke away severing their eye contact and said, "Good, cause I'd hate it if that gas stuff did something to me."

Owen just shook his head dazedly trying to clear out all the unnecessary thoughts.

It was then that Ianto came rushing back and gathered up his coat.

"Hey where're the napkins?" Owen asked.

"No time, Jack just called. Something's happened." Ianto replied.

"Shit," Owen swore.  
"_What _happened?" Tosh asked standing up.

"The line was fuzzy I couldn't hear him properly but we should get back now," Ianto replied already half way on his way out of the door.

Owen and Tosh looked at each other and Owen grinned at her, "Time to sober up Tosh."

He pretended he didn't hear her vague dismissal as he walked past her, "I'm not drunk you fool."

* * *

Gwen gasped as she saw what was happening on the CCTV, "Jack I think you should see this."

He hurried over to the computer and leaned over her shoulder and Gwen tried her best to ignore the way Jack's breath felt against her cheek. This was also especially hard since Jack was still shirtless.

"When was this filmed?"

"About five minutes ago, this was just before we heard the crash." Gwen replied.

"What are they doing?" Jack mused to himself, watching as the weevils in the cells seemed to be having some sort of fit.

The same crash they had heard echoed out of the speakers and Gwen jumped.

"Did they just break down the cell door?" Jack said aghast.

Gwen just nodded and said, "So should we err…get out of here or something?"

**So I felt I needed A LOT more Tosh/Owen interaction in this after the last episode. I mean I don't want to give anything away for those who haven't seen it but expect some nice Tosh/Owen moments in this fic from now on. Maybe..I dunno I might change my mind, I do that a lot. Lol**

**On another note: new Doctor Who!! I totally thought I would hate Donna cos Catherine Tate is not on my list of favourite people but she was actually okay. And that mime scene had me dying with laughter!**

**Review please...I have run out of things to offer, but I just want to say thank you again because the amount of reviews is just amazing and makes me so unbelievably happy!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Woooo over 300 reviews you guys ROCK! I go back to school tomorrow unfortunately (on a Friday, how weird?) So I might be bogged down with work for a bit, but I'll try to finish this soon.**

**Fic I recommend: Anything by BobbieRae - very nice Jooper fics. Some Janto ones as well and even some Jack/Ianto/Gwen (Jooperanto?)**

**Thanks to:**

**OneWhoSitsWithTheTurtles, Super Spazz Attack, bbaluver3, GossipGirl17, WhoKnows909, starry-eyed-torchwood-lover, doctor's gal 1792, Perfect Pirate Captain, Kat Ranger, Starlite1, PassionPoet, MitsukixTakuto 4 ever, Pandora of Ithilien, Bookjunkie-22, Gillianne-Luna, LadyGreer, Section8grl, All Star Ellie, JsyGirl, Lady Clark-Weasley of Books, Hellen Lou, bad2wolf2mcgee, I Heart Robin Hood, Charlotte, rachelthebooklover, MythStar Black Dragon, Itchigo**

* * *

Tosh, Owen and Ianto sprinted back to the Hub each one thankful that they hadn't strayed too far in search of alcohol.

"What do you think's happened?" Tosh gasped as they finally stopped outside the tourist shop and Ianto opened the door.

Owen glared at Tosh, "How would I know?"

She just sighed and followed Ianto drawing out her gun, "I was just speculating Owen."

Owen pulled a face at her back before following the both of them into passage behind the secret door.

"Jack?" Ianto called once they reached the open space of the Hub.

There was no reply and Tosh and Owen instinctively moved closer together, each had their guns cocked and ready.

A sudden snarl from one of the passageways caught their attention and they instantly turned towards it.

"Is that…" Tosh trailed off as the weevil crept closer, sniffing and waving its head as it snarled at them.

"How did it get out?" Owen asked pointlessly.

The weevil stared at them for a few seconds and then just as it looked as if it was about to lunge someone jumped onto it from behind spraying it with weevil spray.

"Jack!" Tosh cried as she recognised the figure.

With the weevil down and subdued a breathless and very half-naked Jack got off the ground and dusted his hands off.

"Took you guys long enough," He said exasperatedly then realised why they were all staring at him with identical expressions of amusement on their faces, "Oh I'll just go get a shirt then…Gwen is fetching more weevil spray."

As if on cue the door to Jack's office opened and Gwen walked out yelling, "Jack once they're gone you better carry on doing that thing because it felt…oh…hey guys."

She belatedly caught sight of Tosh, Owen and Ianto standing in the middle of the Hub grinning at her.

"What thing?" Owen asked brightly, fully aware of the awkward tension and revelling in it.

"Oh…erm…well," Gwen attempted to come up with a cover and then just yelled, "there're weevils loose!"

"We know," Ianto said calmly.

"How did they get out?" Tosh asked curiously.

"It seems the hallucinogen affects different species in different manners, while it made us…hallucinate, it seems to give the weevils extra strength. They broke down the cell doors." Jack explained reloading his gun.

"But those doors are the strongest…" Tosh attempted to retort before Jack interrupted.

"It doesn't matter, they're free, we have to round them up."

"How many did we have down there?" Gwen asked, joining them in the middle of the room.

"Six," Ianto said, "So we have five more to worry about."

"Someone needs to take this one back down to the cells," Gwen said gesturing at the subdued weevil next to Jack.

"Not yet," Tosh said, "Aren't there still super strong weevils running around down there?"

"Oh yeah," Gwen said.

"Do we know how long it takes for this stuff to wear off them?" Jack directed this question at Owen who ran over to the computer which had been running tests on the gas.

"It's hard to be certain," He answered scanning through the different files, "Molecularly they're minimally similar to humans but it's hard to tell. Probably just a bit longer than humans I'd imagine."

"So it should be gone soon?" Gwen asked.

"No, remember they were affected _after _us," Jack said, "That gas can't have gotten down to the cells until at least a few minutes after you dropped the vial."

Gwen lowered her eyes in shame at the reminder of her mistake and flushed slightly.

"So let's go get us some weevils," Owen said loudly.

"Not yet," Jack said exasperatedly, "We need some sort of plan."

"How about, I get a gun, I go down there, I shoot the weevils," Owen said.

"We're not going to kill them," Ianto objected.

"No one's asking you tea-boy," Owen retorted.

"What did we just discuss?!" Ianto almost shouted

"Fine," Owen huffed, "Sorry, I meant coffee-boy."

Ianto settled with glaring at Owen through narrowed eyes.

"Jeez someone's at their time of the month," Owen mumbled warily.

"Owen, just shut up," Tosh said distractedly as she typed something onto her computer.

He blinked at this and instantly was quiet, whether from shock that Tosh actually talked to him like that or that he was actually complying with her it was hard to tell.

"Right, I have their locations within the Hub," Tosh said bringing up the schematics of the Hub on her screen, "I can tell by the heat they're emitting."

"So where are they?" Jack leaned in closer.

"There's two still in the same room as the cells, one in the passageway just through there," Tosh pointed in a general direction, "And two further downstairs."

"Right, plan time," Jack said glaring at Owen, "Tosh and Ianto you go to the cells, Owen I want you to get the one just through there and get it and this one back down to the cells. Gwen you're with me, we're going deep."

"Big surprise there," Owen muttered.

"What was that?" Gwen asked sharply.

"Oh, nothing," Owen replied smiling innocently at her.

Gwen narrowed her eyes at him and just satisfied herself with glaring at him.

"What are you waiting for?" Jack asked, "Let's go!"

* * *

Tosh and Ianto made it to the cells without incident and Tosh gasped as she saw the door to the cells room torn from its hinges.

"Ianto?" She queried in a slightly nervous voice.

"Yeah?"

"If these things are so strong, how do you propose we subdue them? We're not all Jack you know."

"I know," Ianto replied, equally as nervous.

"Oh."

"Well, there're two of us…"

"There're two of us," Tosh interrupted.

"Ah, right."

"We could do some sort of formation?"

"Like I jump on them and you spray?" Ianto asked incredulously.

"Just a suggestion," Tosh mumbled.

A sudden snarl from behind them decided the matter for them and Tosh spun spraying her can right into the weevil's face at the same time Ianto punched it square on the nose.

"Nice right hook Ianto," Tosh commented once the weevil was down.

Ianto nodded trying to retain his manly image whilst clutching his fist to his chest in pain.

"Thanks," He gasped.

"So where's the other one?" Tosh mused looking around once they had locked the weevil back in one of the un-destroyed cells.

"Should be around here somewhere," Ianto said cautiously checking the other cells.

Tosh pressed the button on her comm and spoke into it, "We've secured one but there isn't another one down here."

Owen replied instantly, "My two are secure I'm heading down to you no…shit!"

Snarling over the comm alerted Tosh to his predicament and she rushed off to his aid, Ianto following her closely.

"Owen?" She yelled wondering where he was when the weevil found him.

"Over here," Came his distant reply and they had to turn a few more corners before they saw a shape on the floor which was moving.

When they drew closer they could see Owen was struggling with the weevil as it attempted to bite into his neck.

"Owen stop moving," Tosh instructed lifting her gun.

"What?!" Owen yelled, "Are you joking?"

"No"

"If I stop moving it'll kill me"

"Just do it you wuss!"

"Fine," And as soon as he did so Tosh fired and the weevil collapsed next to him, dead.

Ianto stretched out a hand to help Owen up and checked him out for cuts and gashes.

"You'll live," He said finally.

Tosh just smiled at him and then said, "Where're the weevils you were bringing down?"

"How strong do you think I am?" Owen asked, "I was bringing them down one at a time."

"So where is it?" Ianto asked.

"When that thing attacked me I dropped it back there," He waved in the direction of the main Hub.

Their conversation was interrupted however by a loud scream which echoed through the comms.

**Sorry I have a feeling this chapter was a bit below standard I dunno, I think I might have put too much banter in. Anyway feedback would be great! **

**Doctor Who in two days! Squueeeee...also another reminder for anyone on LiveJournal I need friends! Add me! (I'm not desperate. What? Who said that?) - I'm under same name **

**Let's see, which image should I stuff into your little brains now: two words: naked...Jack... (it may have been done before, but come...there's never enough!)**


	16. Chapter 16

**I hate school. That's a fact, seriously I have only been back two days and my life is officially crap. On a brighter note here's another shiny new chapter for you lot! Thanks so much for all your reviews you guys continue to amaze me!**

**Fic I recommend: Whispers by PygmyCritter (you have to read the prequel first...well you don't actually but you won't know who one of the characters is, no big deal though)**

**Thanks to:**

**GossipGirl17, MythStar Black Dragon, bbaluver3, Perfect Pirate Captain, Super Spazz Attack, doctor's gal 1792, Pandora of Ithilien, Kat Ranger, passionpoet, OneWhoSitsWithTheTurtles, Section8grl, Gillianne-Luna, Starlite1, Diamondsshine4ever, All Star Ellie, Skly, bad2wolf2mcgee, shadowxwolf, Hellen Lou, Lady Clark-Weasley of Books, WhoKnows909, LadyGreer, Lyridium, Terriah, Lutherian, zombieegirl**

* * *

Jack and Gwen had made their way down to the deeper parts of the Hub in relative silence and it was only as they spun quickly around what seemed like the hundredth corner that Gwen lowered her gun and sighed, "Jack it must have moved, there's nothing down here."

Jack looked at her with a mischievous expression on his face and said, "You just want to get back to what we were doing before we were interrupted."

Gwen felt herself beginning to blush and then made up her mind and strode forward backing him up against the wall. She leant forward until their lips were inches apart and Jack unwittingly leant forwards against her but she kept her distance, teasing him.

She moved her lips until they were by his ear and she whispered huskily, "I'm sure I'm not the only one."

Gwen thought she had taken it too far when she caught sight of the feral look in his eyes and then with a growl he grabbed her waist and turned them around so he could slam her against the wall and then he proceeded to kiss her until she thought she would melt into a puddle of goo at his feet.

"Shouldn't we be weevil hunting?" She asked innocently and smiled as Jack huffed impatiently.

"You're the one who distracted me," He replied pulling away from her.

She started to reply when a shadow on the wall behind them caught her attention.

"Ja…" She started but was cut off when the weevil lunged at Jack and sunk its claws into his back. She watched in horror as Jack cried out in pain and then turned to get at the weevil which allowed Gwen to see the blood leaking freely from his back.

She realised she wasn't really helping by staring and grabbing the weevil spray she tried to get at an angle where she could get it right in the face but Jack was always in the way.

With a solid punch to the face the weevil careered backwards and Jack turned to ask Gwen if she was okay.

"Yeah, does the fact that you're not currently in pieces on the floor imply that perhaps they've lost their super strength?"

"I guess so," Jack said reaching for the weevil spray.

However, it seemed that the weevil wasn't as subdued as they had thought and Gwen screamed in shock and pain as it jumped on top of her.

"Gwen!" Jack cried trying to rip the weevil off of her but he couldn't get at an angle where he could do so, "Stay still, I'm going to shoot it!"

"How the _fuck _do you expect me to stay still?" Gwen managed to shout, oblivious to the fact that Owen had recently been yelling exactly the same thing.

"Just hold on," Jack waited for the exact moment where he could be sure that he wouldn't hit Gwen and trusting the fact that he was a good aim, he squeezed the trigger.

The weevil fell unceremoniously on top of Gwen and she grunted under the sudden wait.

"Well that's one way to do it," She sighed as Jack helped her up.

"Are you alright?" Panted Tosh running up to them, "We heard a scream."

"Yeah, it was just me being mauled by a weevil, no big deal," Gwen muttered sarcastically glaring at Jack, "And then he pointed a gun at my head."

Tosh shot them both a confused look but on seeing the dead weevil said, "Well you do realise there's still one more running around down here?"

Gwen froze, she had forgotten that there were two which had been downstairs, "What about the other three?"

"Owen and Ianto are securing two, one was killed," Tosh stated drawing her gun, "Seriously guys, you aren't prepared at all, what were you doing when it attacked you, canoodling against the wall?"

It had been a sarcastic comment but the looks that crossed Jack and Gwen's faces at her simple statement caused her to roll her eyes and mutter something about 'them behaving like horny teenagers'.

"So how about me and Gwen take this corridor and you take that one?" Jack indicated the one's he was talking about with his gun.

"Watch where you're waving that thing," Tosh snapped, "And no, I think Gwen will come with me, let's go Gwen." And with this she grabbed Gwen's arm and dragged her off down the adjacent corridor to Jack's.

* * *

"What was that?" Gwen asked, surprised by the tone of Tosh's voice.

"Sorry," She said, "It's just everything worked out for you guys, you're all over each other. Things are just more awkward between Owen and me now."

Gwen stopped in her tracks and turned Tosh to face her, "Are you kidding? Owen is totally thinking about that kiss you know, and I'm betting he wants to do it again…and _remember _it this time."

Tosh lowered her eyes and then asked, "Do you really think so?"

Gwen nodded and said, "It helps that you're being all sexy confident all of a sudden, I think that totally turns him on."

Tosh laughed and said, "I don't mean to be, just watching myself act all…like that on the CCTV I realised I _could _be someone different if I wanted."

Now that everything had been resolved they continued on down the corridor keeping an eye out for any stray weevils.

* * *

Jack wandered down the corridor, warily keeping an eye out but also slightly distracted by the thought of what was happening with Gwen. He knew it was a bad idea; it was a terrible idea to even _think _of Gwen in that way.

But it had happened and it was too late to deny there was something there and if Gwen wanted it, he wasn't going to try and change her mind.

It was essentially her choice when it came down to it, he tried to ignore the thoughts about his immortality and where that would end them up and thought about focusing on the present.

Life was too short? Not in his case, for him life was definitely way too long and he needed someone to help the time fly. But he knew deep down that with Gwen it was so much more.

A scuffling noise behind him broke into his thoughts and he spun around coming face to face with the last standing weevil.

"Hey sugar, what's up?" He asked before letting loose a face full of weevil spray onto the thing.

It collapsed instantly and he pressed the button on his comm, "Last weevil is secured, everyone back to the main room."

* * *

Everyone had communed by Tosh's workstation and she confirmed that there were no other heat signatures being read.

"It's all clear," She said and Owen whooped.

"So…what now?" Gwen asked.

The audio in the cells decided that for them as a faint voice came through them.

"Help? Someone, where am I? Someone help me!"

"Tutu man," Gwen and Ianto said together and then grinned at each other.

"I guess it's time to find out what happened," Jack said, "I think only one person should go down."

He started to walk towards the door but Gwen's voice stopped him, "Nuh uh mister, I'm coming with you."

Rolling his eyes the brief thought that perhaps starting a relationship with a co-worker wasn't the best idea crossed his mind but then her hand slipped into his and the thought disappeared…along with all other rational thought.

**Ok tiny fluff at the end, but it had to be done. Also I have written a new oneshot called _On Your Birthday_ which is Jack/Gwen if y'all want to check it out...thanks to those of you who have reviewed it so far! (Shameless self-promoting over...)**

**Naked Jack has been done so much now I feel bad I can't actually give him! However, this time I ask you to review merely from the kindness of your hearts, partly because I want to see if I can hit 400 and also cos I've had THE crappest day.**


	17. Chapter 17

**Thanks for the well wishing from last chapter, seriously brightened up my day. So glad this week is nearly over...but then a whole new one starts all over again (I'm in angst mode at the moment if you hadn't noticed...gah)**

**Fic I recommend: Rusty vs. The Tin Dog by Starlite1 (it's not Jack/Gwen but it's hilarious so go read)**

**Thanks to:**

**doctor's gal 1792, Section8grl, PassionPoet, I Heart Robin Hood, Perfect Pirate Captain, Kat Ranger, Lyridium, Skly, Pandora of Ithilien, enpauriel, bbaluver3, Hellen Lou, scousedancer, Adeline ambition, WhoKnows909, sci.girl382, MythStar Black Dragon, Lady Clark-Weasley of Books, bad2wolf2mcgee, DEFiiANCE, AnnaTW, Super Spazz Attack, OneWhoSitsWithTheTurtles, Terriah, crazedchick, Lutherian, Hey**

* * *

"You ready for this?" Jack asked Gwen and she nodded before they stepped out in front of the cell holding 'tutu man'.

Immediately he sprang forward and banged on the door, "You have to help me! Some crazy people have locked me in here, they made me wear a tutu…and I think it has _blood _on it!" Too late he noticed the cold look in Jack's eyes and he shrank back into the corner, "So you're the crazy people then."

It wasn't a question.

"What do you remember?" Gwen asked him kindly.

"What do you mean?" He replied, "I was at my house watching Star Wars _and _I was just getting to the bit where his hand gets cut off, which is _awesome _by the way, then I was here."

Gwen and Jack exchanged a look, trying their hardest not to roll their eyes. Somehow this science fiction geek had got a hold of an alien hallucinogen and they had to find out how.

"Did you hear or see anything strange while you were at your house?" Jack asked his tone cold and calculating and Gwen eyed him out of the corner of her eye not sure if she should admire this side of Jack or be mildly intimidated by him.

"I...I don't…well there was the damn loud music my neighbours were playing, but apart from that, nothing."

"So that's why he went for the neighbours," Gwen muttered to Jack, wondering why it had made him homicidal and not them.

"What were you eating, or drinking?" Jack asked

'Tutu man' didn't reply, he merely stared at Jack and then asked, "Who are you and how did I get here?"

Jack sighed, it seemed he had gotten over the initial shock and was starting to wonder how they had got him there. _Brilliant._

"Oh my god, did you kidnap me because of the _alien_?" He asked looking up at them through wide eyes full of admiration and his tone full of excitement, "You're some secret branch of the government aren't you?"

Gwen blinked suddenly at a loss for what to say but Jack had it covered, "There's no such thing as aliens tutu…err…Harry."

"Yeah well," He smiled at them knowingly and actually _winked_, "that's what you want us to believe. Right? I'm right aren't I? I knew it! Oh wait til the guys here about _this_; I got abducted by the freaking _government_!"

Gwen felt her stomach turn, that had to be just a lucky guess but she almost laughed when she heard Jack mutter sulkily, "We're _outside _the government."

"Harry," Gwen said sharply foregoing all denial, "This alien you're talking about, what did it look like?"

"Ah well," For the first time he seemed to be at a loss for words, "I didn't actually _see _it per se…I mean all I saw was its erm…shape…"

"It's shape?" Gwen said flatly.

"Yeah well it was dark," He countered defensively, "Anyway all it left behind was some weird empty tube."

"Jackpot," Whispered Jack and then asked louder, "And you took this with you did you?"

"Well yeah," Harry replied incredulously, "I wasn't going to leave such a valuable artefact behind."

"What made you think this thing was an alien?" Gwen asked curiously.

Harry's eyes suddenly gained even more excitement if that was possible and he strode forward gesticulating frantically, "Me and my mates right, we have this…club I guess you could call it. Anyway, we monitor alien activity." He saw the doubtful looks on their faces and said, "Yeah I know what you're thinking, we thought it too, we never got even one blip on the radar."

"No surprises there," Gwen muttered.

Harry shot her a look, "Why should you be so doubtful, you're obviously in the know. Anyway so that day we were at my mates house and there was this sound from his garden so we went to check it out and there was this…_thing_ in the garden."

"What did it look like?" Jack interrupted.

"We didn't get a good look at it," Harry muttered sounding annoyed at himself, "But it was definitely _not _human but it wasn't an animal either, it was like…like…something I've never seen before. It was so very definitely _alien_."

"And it ran away?" Gwen asked wondering how this stuff had just happened to fall into the hands of someone who just so happened to be obsessed with anything alien.

"Yeah"

"And that's when you found the vial?" Jack questioned.

Harry nodded and then said, "So seriously, why am I here?"

Gwen offered him a kind smile and said, "We can't really tell you that right now."

* * *

Ten minutes later they were all in the middle of a heated debate about what to do with tutu man.

"He _killed _those people, we have to arrest him or something," Gwen said.

"He didn't know what he was doing," Owen argued, "He was under the influence of something he couldn't control."

"But that doesn't mean he wouldn't have killed anyway," Jack mused.

"For god's sake, you're all talking crazy," Owen threw up his hands in despair, "We all did stuff that we wouldn't have normally done when we were on that stuff."

Tosh flushed at the reminder but then her resolve seemed to become steelier at a quick reassuring glance from Gwen and she looked straight at Owen and said, "Who's to say we wouldn't normally have done it? Maybe it just lowered inhibitions."

"I know it definitely lowered some people's," Ianto muttered to himself.

"What was that Ianto?" Gwen asked teasingly.

"Oh erm," Ianto cast around for a way out of this and finally came up with, "I said I wonder what it's like on church steeples."

There was a silence and Ianto blushed furiously at the incredulous looks everyone was sending him.

"So aren't we deciding what to do with tutu man?" He finally burst out and sighed in relief as Owen started his rant again.

"I stay by my statement; he didn't know what he was doing."

"Well," Gwen said slowly, "That's not entirely true, Tosh may have a point there Owen, he did say something about his neighbours annoying him and it sounded like it had gone on for a long time."

Jack leaned closer to her and whispered in her ear, "Does that mean you've been wanting to jump on me like that for a while now too?"

"I'd like to remind you that _you _were the one to make the first move, Captain," Gwen whispered looking at his reaction out of the corner of her eye and smirking as his smile faded.

"Whatever," He muttered huffily.

"So we're agreed?" Tosh asked and Jack and Gwen realised they had missed a vital part of the conversation.

"Erm…yeah, just what have we agreed on again?" Gwen asked

Tosh sent a 'look' and smirked slightly, "We just agreed that we'd let him go home and monitor him for a few weeks and see if he does anything…suspicious. If he's clear he's free to go live his life."

Jack cleared his throat and nodded, "Sounds great, Ianto you alright with being on retcon patrol?"

Ianto nodded and took out a pill from his pocket and held up a glass of water, "I'll go right now."

He walked off leaving the rest of the team gob smacked.

"I wasn't the only one who hadn't seen that glass of water appear right?" Owen asked.

"He's like…magic," Gwen breathed.

"I would like to point out that I think he's gonna be fine and you guys are just all paranoid," Owen commented.

"Owen?" Tosh said stepping closer to him and glaring at him.

He seemed quite taken aback and tried to step back only to find that the desk was blocking his exit route, "Err…yeah?"

"Just shut the hell up," Tosh said before leaning closer and pressing her lips to his with more force than was probably necessary. But Owen seemed to appreciate the lack of hesitance if the way he seemed to freeze but then relax and lean into the kiss was any indication.

Jack and Gwen realised their cue and crept off giggling to themselves.

"So what do we do now?" Gwen asked, "Shouldn't we try finding this _alien_ or whatever?"

"I think 'whatever' is more likely at this point," Jack sighed sitting down heavily on the sofa, "This has been one long day."

"It's not over yet," Gwen pointed out sitting down next to him, closer than was necessary.

Jack managed to read sexual innuendo into her simple comment and smirked at her, "Why Gwen Cooper, whatever are you implying?"

**So there you have it, the Tosh/Owen kiss...sorry if it didn't live up to expectations but I realised I was already over my word count limity thingamajiga...right...erm, also I have nothing against Star Wars I find the first three (not the ACTUAL first three, the first three that were made with Harrison Ford and peoples...I've only seen one of the new ones and tbh it just wasn't as good) pretty damn amazing.**

**So here's my yoda impression: review...you will! (for those of you who don't know - he says sentences the wrong way around)**

**This has been one babbly A/N...apologies but my brain has gone splody from the 'week from hell'. **


	18. Chapter 18

**Wow - just wow...(I sound like Cassie from Skins, sorry) but seriously I never expected such amazing feedback so thanks! So this chapter is sort of unnecessary and schmoopy but I felt like they deserved a break from all the being high and stuff lol.**

**Fic I recommend: Tails from Torchwood by PygmyCritter (again not Jack/Gwen but still well worth reading - the second chapter especially is rather funny)**

**Thanks to:**

**GossipGirl17, MythStar Black Dragon, WhoKnows909, Kat Ranger, Skly, scousedancer, Allie108, Hellen Lou, PassionPoet, Super Spazz Attack, Section8grl, shadowxwolf, sci.girl382, zombieegirl, Lady Clark-Weasley of Books, All Star Ellie, crazedchick, Lutherian, I Heart Robin Hood, I've Lost My Profile Page**

* * *

Ianto walked back into the main room to tell them that Harry was officially on his way to forget-Torchwood land. However, his enthusiasm was cut short at the sight of Tosh and Owen pawing at each other against a desk and giggling stupidly and Jack and Gwen sitting awfully close on the sofa and whispering to each other.

"Did the gas get loose again?" He asked sighing.

"No, why do you ask?" Gwen looked confused.

"Never mind," He rolled his eyes and continued, "I retconned him, who's gonna volunteer to take him home?"

Silence instantly spread through the room as everyone froze.

"Look I've been to that road too many times already," Gwen said after a few seconds of awkward silence.

"Yeah and I'm still…err…running tests and stuff," Owen backed away hurriedly to the safety of his autopsy bay winking at Tosh before he turned his back and ran down the last few steps.

"And I…have…a computer," Tosh gestured lamely at said computer before sitting down hastily and tapping her keyboard, surreptitiously checking their reaction to judge whether they'd brought her oh so eloquent story.

Jack stared quizzically at Tosh for a second and then turned to Ianto, "Right well seeing as I'm the boss here…"

Ianto cut him off, "Oh no, you don't get to pull the boss card, that's not fair."

Jack glared at him and then said darkly, "Well I guess there's only one way to settle this then isn't there?"

Ianto nodded sourly and held out his fist opposite Jack's, "1…2…3…shoot."

"Ha-ha! Always with the scissors Ianto, too bad," Jack smirked.

"You're so going down," Ianto muttered to himself resigned to the fact that he would never beat Jack at rock, paper, scissors. The man was an enigma as to how he did it.

"Right," Jack replied disbelievingly, "And one day Tosh will be able to go an hour without her computer."

Tosh sent him a glare at that comment but didn't want to push her luck on the whole business of taking tutu-man home and refrained from further comments.

Ianto still looked mildly annoyed however so Jack said, "Alright I'll tell you what, we're all going out afterwards. My treat, I mean for heaven's sakes you've all deserved it."

"We just went to the pub," Tosh said, ever responsible.

Ianto and Gwen glared at her and she ducked back down behind her computer, "Doesn't matter," Said Ianto.

"Yeah sounds great," Said Gwen smiling at him, hoping he would ignore Tosh's stupid mistake.

"I'll be back soon," Said Ianto heading down to the cells to fetch tutu man from where he was probably already asleep.

Jack had pulled Gwen down so she was sitting on his lap and he grinned, saying, "Don't hurry."

Gwen just ignored him and called, "Tosh have you set up the CCTV to focus on his house?"

There was a frantic clicking noise as Tosh typed something and then she replied, "Yep, all done."

Jack stood up and said, "Right, I need some coffee."

"But you just sent Ianto away," Gwen moaned.

Jack stared at her, "Are you telling me you don't know how to make coffee?"

Gwen blushed, "That's not the point, whatever we make clearly won't be as good as anything Ianto makes."

"Why Gwen Cooper, I think you underestimate me," He smirked before dragging her off to the kitchen.

Owen peeked up from the autopsy bay from where he had been hiding and doing absolutely nothing to do with the hallucinogen, "Is it safe?"

Tosh giggled and then slapped her hand over her mouth blushing as she realised how ridiculous she has sounded, "Yep, Ianto's gone, you will not be required to ferry tutu-man home."

She seemed to be avoiding Owen's eyes, probably unsure as to how Owen was reacting on the inside to her forward behaviour.

Owen seemed to be having some sort of inner battle as he stood on the spot just behind Tosh's desk jiggling and grimacing.

He knocked his foot into the side of the desk causing Tosh to turn around quickly wondering what the noise was. She did not, however, realise that Owen was standing quite so close behind her chair and she gasped softly at his proximity.

"Hi," She said feebly and he stared at her, "Never mind," She muttered before going to turn her chair around again but Owen held out his hand to stop it.

"Tosh," He murmured his voice hoarse and nervous.

"What?" She almost snapped, completely expecting him to laugh at her outrageous behaviour or something equally as embarrassing. She did not expect him to swallow audibly and raise her up gently by her arms so she was standing opposite him.

"What are you doing to me?" He murmured confusedly into her ear, his hot breath causing a shiver to run down her spine.

She moved her face so she was looking straight into his eyes and was comforted when all she could see was earnestness and was that…desire?

Her brain stopped all further thought processes however when Owen leaned forward and captured her lips in a possessive kiss which completely took her breath away.

* * *

Meanwhile Jack was grappling with the coffee maker; it seemed in his attempt to impress Gwen with his superior coffee making skills he had slightly underestimated the complexity of the average coffee maker.

"Are you sure that's where the beans go?" Gwen asked curiously trying to hide her amusement as Jack poured the beans into what looked suspiciously like the actual pot.

"Um…it doesn't matter, I'll make it work," Jack said confidently before a jet of steam shot out of a tube into his face causing him to drop the beans all over the floor.

Gwen giggled at his expression and deftly put the pipe into the right receptor so the steam was shooting into the correct place.

"I don't think you're supposed to turn it on until the beans are in the right place Jack"

He blinked up at her from where he was gathering beans on the floor and she burst out laughing closely followed suit by him.

She sank down onto the floor next to him shaking with laughter as she watched Jack's pathetic attempt to pick up the tiny beans.

"I don't know what you're laughing at," Jack said sulkily, "You're the one sitting on them."

Gwen's laughter stopped abruptly as she sat up to find her was right, there were beans covering her bottom and the back of her thighs.

"Crap"

"I could help you with that," Jack suggested quirking an eyebrow and leaning closer to her running his hands over her thighs eliciting a shiver from her as the heat from his hands spread through her.

"Not really the time Jack," She started to protest but was cut off as Jack leaned forward even more to kiss her thoroughly.

He pulled back a few seconds later smiling smugly, "You were saying?"

"And I thought you were going to help with the coffee beans," Gwen replied smarmily.

"I'm working on it," Jack said lifting her up slightly so she was leaning against him as they knelt on the floor and he ran his hands over the curves of her backside shaking the beans loose.

"Oh," Gwen replied faintly not really focusing on anything as Jack kissed her neck sucking gently, "Well…that's nice."

He laughed softly against her skin and she felt the vibrations resonate through her whole body.

"I can do more than nice," He growled huskily.

Gwen thought she might just have melted.

**So the fluff took over, but I hope I managed to retain _some _humour at least. Again sorry for the delay but being back at school means less regular updates I'm afraid. I'm also working on fics for other fandoms but trust this is a priority. I think it's nearly done anyway...if the fluffy nonsense ever stops.**

**And on another note this season of Doctor Who so far has been cooooolio, mainly because of the family from the Cambridge Latin Course (for those who don't know that's where the names such as Caecilius and Metella were from) aaaaand last episode err I dunno...nothing special. But Martha's coming back! I might be the only person ever who actually likes Martha but whatever, she's just made of awesome.**


	19. Chapter 19

**Ok so embarrassing story which is only slighty related, the most embarrasing video of me ever was just posted _publicly _on facebook from Saturday night when I was dancing and singing on camera while completely 'out of my mind' (geddit) no I was not on some weird alien hallucinogen, just purely too much champagne and red wine (it was a birthday party). What I find amusing is that even in my inebriated state of mind I managed to remember all the words to Crazy in Love by Beyonce. I have no memory of actually doing this as well...which makes it even worse.**

**On another note THIS IS THE LAST CHAPTER! I'm weird and hate ending fics on an odd chapter number (don't ask, it's just a...thing) so I might end up posting an Epilogue but this seems pretty final to me. I'm sad, but you know it's probably for the best considering this fic is just too distracting and I NEED to start studying more.**

**Fic I recommend: Welsh and Blondes by PassionPoet**

**Thanks to everyone who helped me make it to 400 reviews:**

**Hellen Lou, Kat Ranger, Perfect Pirate Captain, PassionPoet, Gracefulfalling, zombieegirl, GossipGirl17, Section8grl, shadowxwolf, Lady Clark-Weasley of Books, stungunned, MythStar Black Dragon, crazedchick, WhoKnows909, msndgal, Super Spazz Attack, Lutherian, scousedancer, Itchigo, All Star Ellie, Skly, MitsukixTakuto 4 ever**

* * *

Ianto pulled the car over outside Harry's house and sighed. It was already dark and he really didn't feel like getting out of the warm interior of the car. Glancing at the backseat in the rear-view mirror he rolled his eyes as Harry snorted softly in his sleep. He was still wearing the bloodstained tutu and Ianto couldn't help but laugh to himself as he imagined the man's reaction on waking up.

On second thoughts maybe he should have switched clothes; the guy was going to wonder where the blood came from.

Ianto cursed Jack's extraordinary skills at rock, paper, scissors in his head as he realised he was going to have to change Harry like he was a bloody babysitter or something.

_Well I might as well just get it over with_. And with that thought he swung open his car door and set about dragging Harry inside in the least suspicious manner possible.

He managed to lug him up the path and into the house dumping Harry on the first sofa he came to.

Next came the bit he _really _didn't want to do but he set about taking the tutu off promising himself he would take a scalding hot shower later to get all remnants of this man off him.

He suddenly became aware of a rustling noise from outside the room and stood up sharply all too aware that he had no idea if there was anyone else in the house.

Drawing out his gun he edged quietly out of the room unused to be on his own in situations like this. Why had _he _been the one made to do the flipping school run?

He spun around the corner of the living room into the hallway and checked the front door; it was closed, just as he had left it. He carried on down into the kitchen and noticed there was a door leading into the garden…which was cracked open.

His stomach swooped as he remembered Harry telling Gwen and Jack he had seen the alien in the garden.

"Shit," He muttered to himself trying to ignore the fluttery feeling of fear that was creeping up on him.

He squinted out into the garden, trying to see if there was anything out there but it was too dark. All he could see were some leaves tapping against the window and the dark shape of a tree.

Cursing silently to himself again he edged along the kitchen until he was close enough to the door to feel the cold breeze against his face. Steeling himself he moved in one swift motion, swinging open the door and stepping outside into the dark garden.

At first glance there was nothing out there but…wait…

Ianto moved hesitantly further into the garden having thought he had seen a movement in the corner by the tree, but it could have just been the leaves swaying to and fro in the wind.

This thought was quickly dismissed, however, as something…large and snarling pounced at him from out of the shadows.

He was knocked onto his back and his gun went skittering off in another direction but all he could see was a faceful of teeth and jaws and saliva dripping onto his face.

Whatever it was seemed pretty human in shape but the mouth definitely was not, and he had a nice up close and personal view of this.

He struggled frantically pushing upwards so the thing couldn't get its teeth into his face, he quite liked his face.

Giving one extra push he managed to get the thing off of him and he lunged for his gun falling flat onto his face but he successfully wrapped his fingers around the butt of the gun.

Spinning around just in time he pulled the trigger and the thing fell backwards, inches away from him, a bullet lodged directly in its chest.

Ianto cast around in his mind for something classy to say but failing miserably at this he merely settled for blowing imaginary smoke away from the barrel of his gun and holstering it smoothly, really quite glad that no one else was there.

He clicked on his comm and said breathlessly, "Jack? Yeah, I think you're gonna want to see this."

* * *

Owen clicked off the scanner and announced, "Well this is interesting."

The rest of the team shuffled impatiently as they crowded around the autopsy table peering curiously at the alien thing Ianto had lugged back from the house.

"Well?" Jack demanded.

"You can't rush a genius," Owen said importantly and winked at Tosh who just huffed and replied, "Just get on with it Owen."

"Alright then, never mind," Owen sulked and said, "What we have here is a claydol."

"A what now?" Ianto asked incredulously sipping his coffee.

"It's a distant relative to the shape shifter," Jack cut in, "Except it can't shape shift."

"So what's its point?" Gwen muttered.

"They have higher brain functions than shape shifters," Jack continued.

"It didn't seem like it when it was trying to rip my throat out," Ianto said darkly.

"Remember how the shape shifter at Gwen's wedding could talk and interact just like humans?" Jack asked, sort of regretting it as Gwen flinched.

They didn't really talk about her wedding anymore after Rhys and Gwen had split just a few weeks after it. He continued anyway, "Well these are capable of the same thing, which explains why it had the gas; it must react differently to it. Perhaps it was a form of nutrients or something, but whatever the case it obviously needed it because it came back to the place where it dropped the vial earlier."

"Lucky me," Ianto said glaring at Jack as he sort of but not really blamed him for making him go back there alone.

Jack looked uncomfortable under Ianto's gaze as he felt slightly guilty about that but it wasn't as if he could have predicted what was going to happen.

"So that's it then?" Tosh asked.

"What's it?" Gwen said.

"The whole thing, the 'mystery of the druggy gas stuff'," they could all hear the inverted commas around those words, "It's all over right? We know where it came from, we caught the alien," Ianto coughed pointedly and Tosh said exasperatedly, "Alright _Ianto _caught the alien; we're monitoring the potential psycho killer…that's it…right?"

There was silence as everyone looked at each other, each waiting for some other distraction to come up.

"I think so," Jack said finally and the atmosphere in the room suddenly became a lot easier. It was as if a weight had been lifted off of everyone's shoulders.

"So…we're free?" Owen asked hopefully.

"I can't stop you," Jack said grinning, knowing they would come running back if he just clicked his fingers and said 'possible alien threat to planet earth'.

"Wait a minute, you owe us all a drink," Gwen said cheekily remembering what Jack had said earlier.

Jack gave Gwen a look that clearly said 'you are so making that up to me later' and then his suave grin was back in place, "Damn, you caught me; last one to the pub has to sing the weevils to sleep."

And with that he was running out of the cog door leaving everyone frozen by shock but as soon as realisation hit they were all pushing each other out of the way trying to get to the door first.

* * *

Jack came back from the bar with a tray piled high with glasses overflowing with frothy beer.

"Now that's what I'm talking about," Owen said gleefully grabbing his drink and gulping it down contentedly while Tosh looked on in mild disgust clearly wondering what she saw in this oaf.

"Jack," Ianto whined, "I asked for a vodka and coke."

"Alright Mr. Fancypants, I'll go get you one," Jack said.

"No it's fine I'll just go get it myself now," Ianto huffed getting up and heading for the bar.

"So I think we deserve a toast," Gwen said leaning into Jack slightly and smiling up at him.

"I'll second that," He replied holding out his glass.

"We need to wait for Ianto!" Tosh cried.

But Owen snickered and nudged Tosh pointing in the direction of the bar, "Oh I think he's gonna be a while."

They all turned to see what Owen was pointing at and laughed as they saw Ianto being chatted up by a rather gorgeous man offering him nothing else than a vodka and coke.

"Looks like he'll be kept busy for a while," Gwen smiled happily glad that Ianto wouldn't be too left out.

They sat in a comfortable silence for a moment relishing the fact that they could relax and not have to worry about running after aliens for the time being.

"I never would have thought that this would happen because we got high," Owen mused, breaking the silence.

"Yeah should we just skip the monthly drug tests this month then Jack?" Tosh asked smirking.

Jack laughed slinging his arm around Gwen's shoulders and pulling her tight against him, "That's probably for the best."

**FINIS**

**So I got like ten billion reviews asking me to set Ianto up with someone and there you have it, it was either some stranger in a bar of Myfanwy...and you can all come to your own conclusions as to whether they hit it off get married have the perfect dream life or whether they just have lots of hot mansex and break up after a few weeks or whatever.**

**I can't believe that's the end, I realise I put a ridiculously long A/N at the beginning so I won't ramble on here for too long but it has been one wild ride! Thanks for all your support, sorry if you didn't like the ending. I've said it before and I'll say it again I suck at writing endings.**

**Anyway I know there's no longer any incentive to write a review but you know you want to! Also ten cookies to anyone who recognised that the name I gave the alien was actually a pokemon name (yep I'm so unimaginative I had to be reduced to searching for inspiration from pokemon...hey I used to be obsessed!)**


End file.
